The Fantasy Football Addiction: 5 times
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by InterMat
I've said it numerous times -- I'm the worst Fantasy Sports player on the planet. Some slight proof includes bone-headed picks in the second round (Kordell Stewart) and picking both Gramatica brothers in consecutive years as the starting and backup kickers. Those gaffs aside, the group of teams that get "managed" (term used loosely) typically crash and burn during the season.
Some of it is draft strategy being amiss, some of it is simply relying on friends to pick a team while I'm in some random place, either playing golf or fighting traffic. This year's Fantasy Baseball season saw my karma drop rapidly as I traded away former ODU classmate Justin Verlander for some sluggers. I had pitching set, but I needed power. So I gave up JV and my team, the "Royal Ugly Dudes," fell from third place, in the thick of the playoff race -- to 12th in a 14-team league with several sportswriters from around the nation.
Our league commish, a former colleague, didn't get into the playoffs, but it's this type of thing that has been ending all fantasy sports runs in the last 6-7 years.
Save one. In 2002 (the same year Kordell went #2 to the Olddominionfargydooglehymens), I crept into the playoffs with a 7-8 record in the Trailer Park Division. Yes, a weak division by any stretch of the imagination, but a great weekend propelled me into the finals, where I beat down "The Jedi" in a monumental, and never-to-happen-again final.
This year, Fantasy Football brings me to five teams and five times the pain on Sundays, where I'm destined to finish last.
League: The Wrestling Talk Football Challenge
Demographic: Regulars from TheWrestlingTalk Message Board.
Team Name: Greasy Spitoons
Derived From: Lack of a better name.
Highlights: Steven Jackson and not much else. Choosing between Brett Favre and Steve McNair this year as a starting QB could be the lesser of two evils. Not quite sure what T.O. will do for me and Hines Ward and Isaac Bruce have let me down year after year in other leagues and other teams.
Prediction: 8th in a 14-team league.
Predicted Winner: Kansas Twisters
League: MO TX VA Connection
Demographic: Past and Present ODU and University of Missouri wrestlers
Team Name: InterMat Rednecks Derived From: Job + play on the 'bubbas' in my hometown.
Highlights: Probably my best overall team of the five. Marvin Harrison at wideout is the only stud on the receiving corps, but since this league has individual defenders in it, unlike the other leagues I'm in, I figure the offense will do it's normal ho-hom self, and the defense, with Champ Bailey, Asante Samuel, Zach Thomas, London Fletcher, DeMeco Ryans and Aaron Kampman, I should be fine. At least I wasn't the sap that drafted Nate Kaeding in the third round.
Prediction: League Champ (10 teams)
Predicted Winner: InterMat Rednecks
League: 2007 Endless Fantasy Football
Demographic: Sportswriters/Editors from various national newspapers
Team Name: Dual Action Cleanse
Derived From: That creepy dude with the greaseball hair and moustache selling the colon cleaning shit.
Highlights: Didn't draft this one, I was playing golf. Brian Westbrook is about it here.
Prediction: 7th in a 12-team league Predicted Winner:
Crackpipe Jenkins
League: 433 College
Demographic:
Bunch of douchebags I know from Franklin & Marshall College here in Lancaster, Pa.
Team Name: Cauliflower Fear
Derived From: Calilflower Ear.
Highlights: N/A
Prediction: N/A
Predicted Winner: N/A
Notes: One of the donks hasn't registered, leaving us with seven teams in a head-to-head league. This is the league I will likely not pay attention to come week two. Anyone want in?
League: Homie's Fantasy Football League Yo
Demographic: The boys from back home, mostly teachers in Newport News, Williamsburg and Hampton.
Team Name: Delta's Amish Brothel
Derived From: Lancaster, Pa's finest strip club ... hosted by the Amish.
Highlights: Didn't draft this one, I was on a boat in Lake Tahoe. Steven Jackson and Tony Gonzalez.
Prediction: To beat the Muff Commandos in the Ghetto Division and reach the the playoffs and play either the Hairless Beavers from the Soup Kitchen Division or the Irish Boyz in the Trailer Park Division. 4th.
Predicted Winner: Who cares, winner gets paid in the form of cases of beer in this league -- then we all drink them during the Super Bowl.
Overall synopsis: My leagues are devoid of any great team names this year.
