Stupid Met Fan
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by user Josh Q. Public
Josh Q. Public: Meet the Mets. Greet the Mets.
Public Service Announcement: OK, here we go! Theeeee Yankees lose. Last night was great, right? Damon. The whole Mirabelli thing. Getting raced to the ballpark from the airport. Papi smashing one. See Ya! Feeling pretty, pretty good right about now. Pappelbon’s a horse. Wakefield looked good. On my way to work, I saw a ton of Sox hats. I’m walking around like 10 feet tall, right. Bernie sucks. What DH bats eighth? Dontrelle Willis bats higher in the order than that dummy. The Yankee relief corps looks hittable. Sheffield to the DL? Great day. Great day. I get to my second job. First one there. Put on the YES Network. Order my food. Watch the highlights. Getiing ready. This is gonna be good. Chacon vs. Beckett? Ha ha ha! C’mon, its in the bag, right? I can’t wait to sweep tonight. Uh, oh. Things take a turn for the worse. Something goes suddenly awry, Yankee Fan comes in, yelling and screaming, “We’re not watching that damn game tonight!” Hmmm? Then he slams off the TV. Can you slam off a TV? I dunno.
I do know what happened though. Its not because the Yankees lost last night. Its not because I’m a loud mouthed, Red Sox fan. Its because of the other guy. Met fan. Met fan sucks. He ruined it for everybody. You see, it seems Met fan hates the Yankees more than he likes the Mets. I don’t get it. They hardly even play each other. Only played once when it mattered. And during that series, Met fan broke his hand punching stuff. Now, if I did that nonsense every time the Sox lost to the Yankees, I’d be a paraplegic. Met fan once said to me, “I’d propose to my girlfriend, but, she’s a Yankee fan.” Moron. What are you, a maniac. Mrs Q. Public’s a Yankee fan. So what? She’s a girl. Does it really matter? Met fans, in general, have a little guy complex. Furthermore, and I firmly believe this, they are closet Yankee fans. I said this to Met fan once, once. Veins popped ouf of his forehead, violent shakes. Just like Vito on the Soprano’s last week. All I know is, Met fan wrecked it for us. He was screaming at Michael Kay. He was screaming at Kenny Singleton. He was screaming at Al Leiter. Maybe, if Met fan got in touch with his inner Yankee, I could watch the freaking game. Go Sox!!!
I know, I know, I just found out!!! Rained out. You’re lucky this time Met fan. Oh gross, I looked up and Spike Lee was wearing a Mets hat. Front runner.
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even!
Contact Us: Public@joshqpublic.com
