Starting a movement to clear the confusion
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by user Manny Stiles
Let's spin the wheel and see what we get today!
My business card should just say: Manny Stiles, Ugly American.
Unlike most Americans, I have long understood that the idea that the world revolves around the U.S. might be slightly incorrect.
Physically, I've never been outside of North America, but I've learned/experienced enough to know this is true:
In the rest of the world, if you have an accent, you are a 'world traveller'. You've seen things, you have different and rich experiences.
In America, if you have an accent, you're a f&%#ing foreigner.
With that, we are less than a week away from the start of Football Season!!!
Woo! yeah! Let's crack open a Bud (I'll take a pint of imported, thank you), slap on a jersey with our team's outdated colors/logo (I still love the old orange Bucs logo), ogle a cheerleader and have delusional dreams our team can win it all this year with their new unis/stadia/free agent acquisition (all three for the Cardinals). But there's one thing that repeatedly bothers me about Football, a.k.a. American Football... the FOOT part of it.
I've chucked the Nerf around enough to know that you can play most of a basic 'football' game without ever having the ball touch your foot.
In fact, if it WAS up to me, they're be NO punters or kickers at all. You get 4 downs, USE them, you upssies!!! Punting is a cop out and TOTALLY un-American, after all. We used to pride ourselves in creating opportunity out of difficulty; overcoming any challenge. Punting doesn't do that.
If it's a game of field position, EARN IT!
Also, with parody in the NFL, making all the teams similarly equal with a salary cap, revenue sharing and management having all the power (isn't this what we used to call communism??) most games are so close that it seems every game has the propensity to end on a stupid field goal. Any Given Sunday has morphed into Every Damned Sunday (I miss having Dynasties to hate/gamble on)
Twenty-two 200-300 pound, HGH'd up, raging musclefreeks smashing each other in the gourds and using their hands to move the pigskin for 59 minutes and 59 seconds have their fate decided by a 140 pound douche bag with different cleats and 1-10th the facemask...
In 'football' you CAN'T advance the ball by purposely hitting it with your feet! You can't even leg whip anyone anymore Does this make sense to ANYONE that it's called Football???
If you DO keep Field Goals in, why aren't further field goals worth more and shorter field goals worth less? It works GREAT for fantasy football, can't the NFL catch on? I want some 5-4 scores/epic defensive battles scrolling accross my TV, dammit!!!
Meanwhile the rest of the world calls their game football too... a little better definition, but still a little inaccurate desription.
I have a better idea
So once and for all we can CLEAR THIS MESS UP!
No one will ever implement my "take the kicking out of football" movement, and since the world revolves around the U.S.A., we'll keep 'Football" as it is and relegate 'soccer' to prefix status to describe hot Moms in SUVs in the 1990's.
Let's respect the people who LIVE FOR THE GAME and kick 'soccer' out of our vocabulary. Or at least give it the proverbial red card.
My suggestion
We can do this right now, it doesn't require any rule changes. Just a slight application of logic and minimal understanding of plurals...
Let's call International Football, Feetball
No, I don't have an accent or a speech impediment. In 'soccer' there surely are NO players who ONLY use one foot to touch the ball, they use both 'feet'! And I highly doubt there are manny one-footed feetballers.
'oo' to 'ee', that's it!
It just makes sense, will clear the confuxion and make things simpler...
Then I can get back to my "Why do we still use the typewriter design on computer keyboards?" movement.
(Originally, the keyboard was designed as such to keep the mechanical typeset arms from getting locked up together in the original typewriters, a problem computers don't have, obviously. We are MUCH more technologically advanced nowadays,,,, ,,,,,damn, my Windows just locked up!)
Date
Sun 09/03/06, 8:48 am EST
