Sports Help Wanted II: NBA
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by Trizz
For those who actually read my stuff, you recall earlier this week I posted jobs fro people who would likely be unemployed in the NFL. Now its the NBAs turn, and trust me these are some good jobs even Sprewell, yes Sprewell can land one of these jobs
Needed Hot sexy....I mean professional assistant
I need a new assistant since this dumb black b*tch gonna go and sue me like I wanted her please I'm Isiah Thomas b*tch, erm, anyway I need a new female assistant, preferably with measurements of 36-24-36, experience is not really required because here at the Knicks we don't know anything. I need someone very flirtatious and doesnt know about harassment laws, I'm not into blondes but I want someone with the intelligence of one. Must be single, dont want know boyfriends coming or else I'ma sick Nate Robinson on them. If interested, I mean really interested you can just give me a call on my private line
~Isiah~
Anyone, seriously anyone
Need any player to play for the Celtics, payroll is limited so you can get $100 a point, you'll play for about 5 minutes a game or even more if its a blowout. Preferably no SG/SF because thats virtually all we have. Benefits include a championship ring big enough to break your finger if you play hard (top that Miami). Experience is neccessary because we dont have much of a coach. Call 1-800-CELTICS ask for Danny
Bodyguards Needed
Need a bodyguard for Minnesota Timberwolves GM Kevin McHale, needs 24/7 watching, preferably no one from the Minnesota area unless they never watched basketball or ESPN in their lives. I have recieved numerous death threat since the KG trade and wont last this season unless I'm protected my team payroll pretty low so I can offer great pay but most warn you you have to watch all T-Wolves games. Walk in and apply I'm too afraid to post my address or phone number
NBA Goon
Are you hot tempered, are you willing to throw everything away jsut to hurt someone. Do you want to become a YouTube celebrity then apply to be an NBA Goon. NBA Goons clears the bench during altercations, fighting for the team and usually getting suspended sparing star players from getting in trouble. Lets face it you can never drop 30 a game so why not help your team but dont take it from me listen to these satisfied customers
"I won 7 rings, one more than Jordan and you probably still don't know who I am. Hit a couple game winners got a nick name but still never get rated higher than 70 in NBA Live. What people remember me for is knocking Steve Nash down and getting Amare suspended. The people of San Antonio look past the fact I score less than 10 pts a game in my career and I even got an interview at the NBA Finals. All because I became an NBA good thats SHW" -Robert Horry
"I finished first and second in the past two slam dunk contests despite being 5 ft tall, but lets be honest I play on the Knicks with a bunch of veteran ball hogs I knew I'd never shine so then I became an NBA goon, and after knocking JR Smith on his behind I'm a household name..." -Nate Robinson
We have goon openings on just about every team, some goons actually become decent basketball players (Steven Jackson, Ron Artest) Apply NOW......
