Slay-by-Slay

by TheBrooklynBoy

[1] For the past two weeks I've been trying to organize a regular poker game. You figure, "Hey, guys love to drink and guys love to gamble. We especially love to combine the two, add in some raunchy stories and competitive smack talk, and sprinkle in a few hilarious episodes of horrid flatulence. Therefore organizing a poker game shouldn't be hard right?"

Wrong. This is a giant pain in the ass. Everyone at first says the same thing:

"Poker? Fuck yeah! I haven't played in forever! Why don't we have a regular game? I mean, guys love to gamble and drink! And when you combine the two?!? Did I mention how much I want to play?!"

So after hearing this enthusiasm from multiple people, I go ahead and free up a day in the week (which, as you can tell by my lack of participation in recent drafts, is kind of a big deal ::brushes shoulder off::) and take the time to organize a game.

Game night comes and this is what I get (these are actual excuses):

> "It's my girlfriend's birthday week, can't make it..." "At work late." (4 guys all said this back to back, including High Five and Intell) "Got a date with a lady friend." "Got another poker game I'm attending." "My ex girlfriend is coming into town." "I forgot my roommate's band is playing tonight. I'm a little girl and I wear dresses and play tea party with my dolls." (also High Five.) "It's raining. I don't want to get my hair wet and just had a manicure." "Today is a heavy flow day. Cramps are really bad. Midol not working."

So the frustration continues. Tonight is another attempt to get a regular game going, and luckily we have 6 confirmed, with a handful of maybes. Let's hope they freakin' man up so I can get my poker on, but if these ladies decide to show up - that's cool too...

Jennifer Tilly [2] Erin Ness [3] Evelyn Ng [4] The obvious problem with them showing up is they'll take all my money on account of being really fucking good at poker ... and hot. Sure, Evelyn Ng isn't that hot (after much research I determined that was her best picture), but would you really start complaining if you had a LEGIT reason to stare at her? I mean, I gotta get a read on my opponents if I'm thinking about calling a big raise on the turn when I'm holding top-two pair. Is she going for a draw? Bluffing? Betting aggressive with trips? Who knows!

Here's a insider poker tip, when women poker players bluff - their boobs appear to get bigger. So keep those eyes open fellas!