Shaq Isn’t Having a Ball With New Balls
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by user LastRow
When is a ball not a ball? Good question, as I don’t have the qualifications to answer this question. For an in-depth response perhaps Shaquille O’Neal can better give insight to this often-asked question. It’s not like everyday us sports fans get to be enlightened by a "basketball controversy", involving whatelse but the basketball itself. Yes, a little round ball which measures 29.5-30 inches in circumference can make a man who’s 325 pounds (well at least that what his bio lists him at) & stands 7-1 so upset…Who knew? Hey Shaq, just because the ball doesn’t go in the basket for your fat ass…Um, here’s a news flash. It’s not the ball‘s fault!
If Shaq thought he had problems putting the ball in the basket, I hate to see what this year brings? By now, you’ve probably heard something about the NBA going to a new type of basketball being used by the NBA this coming season….If you haven’t, I guess you live under a rock or in a cave, come on people this is front page material. Why it’s not everyday we get a chance to hear from the ninth wonder of the world referring to the new NBA rock as "terrible." Shaq, if you liked the old ball so much before, how come you didn’t do a better job of putting it in the hoop? It’s not like your game requires you to play with the ball in your hands…All you do is get position five feet or closer from the basket and have a guard feed it to you. I know that new "microfiber composite" that Spalding has delivered to David Stern’s office is out to get you. Why isn’t Kobe a spokesperson for Spalding? Maybe he’s out to get you, since you got a ring on your own before him? Sounds like a clear-cut Kobe conspiracy to me.
Oh no, we have another traveshammockery on our hands…Why this is even a bigger one than having Brent Musberger reveal the meaning of the "Hang-Loose" sign for the USC offense. What can get worse than this, Shaq? Just imagine if you have to play with the type of ball used in the WNBA games, or the Money Ball used during the Three-Point contest at the All-Star Game…What would that be like? I wonder if those too would feel "like one of those cheap balls that you buy at the toy store." How hard would it be to grab a defensive board playing with one of those babies? You are very lucky you don’t have to call Lisa Leslie, so she can show you the proper eye training one must go through when trying to play with one of the ball! Of course, first we would have to see if you’re color blind.
By the way, if this new ball does in fact feel "like one of those cheap balls that you buy at the toy store," shouldn’t you get your ass down to the local Toys "R" Us and buy some up, so you can get your hands adjusted accordingly if it’s going to be such a big problem for you big guy? Don’t you have more important things to concern yourself with than the type of ball the NBA uses? Why not put all your "ball energy" into your new company…The O’Neal Group? Here’s a little secret, sometimes a change will do you good. Well, in your case, I don’t think this applies? It won’t improve your scoring range and certainly won’t help you improve your free-throws. However, I’m sure if there was a ball out there that could aid you in this matter you’d be all for it. No matter what the ball felt like…Although I'm glad you found a new excuse on why your free throw shooting will resemble that of a hell of a batting average in baseball. MLB has "Juiced Balls", now the NBA has "Cheap Balls". No matter if it was a Dollar Store special for $.99. I’m never seen such a big man in stature cry so much over a minuet thing such as this. I’d hate to see if you ever got a paper cut from counting all your Ben’s. Wifie’s right…You are a big bay!
Although thanks for trying to police the NBA officer O’Neal…The league is in a safer place when your on the lookout….Or is that on the way out? While you’re at it, why don’t you shut your cake hole and go make like Christian Laettner and go buy an NBA franchise with Grant Hill? The Orlando Magic look attractive now don’t they? Them and their "plastic city!"
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Date
Tue 10/03/06, 6:23 pm EST
