Send Out an Amber Alert…Where’s Jessica Biel?

by LastRow

In case anybody has wondered where my presence has gone over the last few days, well you know that whole NBA, FBI thingy investigation into who allegedly was betting on basketball games…Yeah, that thingy. Well, I said enough…You can put two & two together and make four! All I can say is I will be appearing for a limited time only…Kind of like that Big-N-Tasty down at McDonald’s before I have to go back underground!

Speaking of which, I see Jessica Biel’s done some underground living of her own…I’m wondering where her presence has gone! Upon my reemergence from living like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle…Having the one, the only Splinter as my tour guide while I was down there, I did what any die hard sports fan would do, I turned on the boob tube for the six o’clock SportsCenter as I sat down to try getting off my pizza diet. I should’ve known better then to do that! The first thing that pops up…That freaking "Who’s Now"! Although I’ll be honest, this matchup between Derek Jeter vs. Reggie Bush would most likely be one of the more interesting ones. Now, I hate this shit just as much as the next guy…I rather put my grapes in a blender and hit the on button, but this seemed to be interesting from the stand point that ESPN tried to liven their panel up by having Jessica Biel for the second round and now it was time for her to discuss Derek Jeter on national television. For "Who’s Now", it’s definitely doesn’t get any better than this…Ex-Arm candy having the opportunity to spill the beans on Mr. All-American baseball player.

Ripping him a new ass would’ve done wonders for ESPN’s ratings on this marking boardroom idea gone bad…And Chad Johnson thought the "Bacon Sizzle" touchdown celebration by Steve Levy was an awful one. Although a funny thing happened…Jessica Biel went MIA last night! Well, perhaps she got sick? Um, yeah unlikely…And maybe the cow jumped over the moon! And Beano Cook doesn’t have eight chins too! Conflict of interest, perhaps? Um, so what! Not that anybody pays attention to this shit! ESPN knew what they wanted…Instead of Wilbon, Herby, and Key-John, which wasn’t working for them at all they figured by getting a hot female on the panel that would be a quick fix since sex sells. Good idea in trying to spice up ratings for the blunder you created, but having Happy Gilmore sit in for Biel once again just shows us how laughable ESPN is! Don’t get me wrong, anybody who plays golf in a Boston Bruins jersey and putts with a hockey stick is okay by me! Perhaps Sergio should’ve tried that concept yesterday…Might’ve done him some good? Or at least do a beat down on Padraig Harrington, Bob Barker style for that damn claret jug. It’s almost like they were trying to insult our intelligence by thinking, "maybe no one will put two-and-two together"…That might work with Stuart Scott considering he has trouble reading the top line of an eye chart, but you guys can’t pull the wool over our eyes!

What, was this in the "Who’s Now" contract that Ms. Jess signed? A special clause in it where she can opt out after so many shows? Or a "Jeter" Clause? Now we won’t really know is this was Jessica’s choice or the clowns at ESPN telling her to sit this one out? What I do know is Keyshawn Johnson didn’t do a disappearing act in the first round when it was time for the Serena Williams! So what’s the difference? All this from a network who has a segment dubbed "The Budweiser Hot Seat" I hope Jess wasn’t making like a Big-N-Tasty and only appearing for a limited time! And we all thought this damn segment couldn’t get any worse! And to think we thought the movie "Click" was bad!

LastRowSports.com