Say What?

by The Professor

With the World Series upon us and the NFL in full-swing, Whitey and I feel the need, nay the duty, to alert all of our faithful readers to many of the inane comments consistently issued by purportedly intelligent commentators. These guys (and sometimes gals) get paid to spout some the most banal drivel this side of your local news.

Watch any of the side show NFL games and you'll know what we're talking about (Craig Bolerjack anyone?). Whitey loves Tim McCarver. I think Dick Enberg should be banned from announcing any event not involving ice skates, strawberries and cream, or azaleas ("Oh My!").

Here are some of our favorites (?) :

1. "At the end of the day..." The classic. Uttered by coaches and commentators alike. At the end of the day it's amazing you still have a job.
2. "That's a great football play," or "...wonderful golf shot." Hey moron, I know what sport I'm watching. I would be surprised if Tiger Woods hit a stunning half-court volley. This is one of John Madden's favorites ala, "He's a great football player." Incredible insight. Along these same lines is, "He's a gamer."
3. "Crafty Lefthander." During the World Series game tonight, start your stopwatch and see how long it takes for Tim McCarver to call Jeff Francis a "Crafty Lefthander." Or how long it takes for them to mention the Yankees. It's a toss up.
4. "Scrappy" or "Never-say-die attitude." The Rockies will get this one thrown at them early and often, especially if they are losing 10-0 in the third.
5. "Catching lightning in a bottle..." Again, this will be said by someone within the first ten minutes of tonight's World Series game. Guaranteed.
6. "If the season ended today..." Well, it doesn't, so we don't care.
7. "Chop wood" or "Blue Collar" or "Lunch-Pail guys" or "Grinders" or "Insert your favorite workingman's phrase here." These guys just go to work, albeit for slightly more money than your local Ford assembly line employee. I don't know how they do it...
8. "Whoever wins the turnover battle..." Rinse. Repeat next week.
9. "They have to play as if they have nothing to lose." Really? This is the "What Me Worry?" line which comes flying out every time a team appears woefully over-matched. Most teams do have something to lose...like the game.
10. Anything said by Skip Bayless. If you see Skip, change the channel. Now.

Remember, the mute button is your friend. And be on the lookout tonight for two guys: Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. You might see them.

TylersaltAll-Star

776 days ago

Score 1

MUTE	Joe Buck and Tim McCarver make this user want to vomit.

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DonatevoMajor Leaguer

776 days ago

Score 0

Me too. Where do you get those nifty boxes?

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RawbeezeitzMajor Leaguer

776 days ago

Score 0

Listening to Tim McCarver try to make an analogy is like listening to a horse grind its teeth. It's a very annoying sound.

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

776 days ago

Score 0

I would rather use a flaming pitchfork as a Q-Tip and/or wear hydrochloric acid earmuffs than listen to McCarver's pontifications.

Unfortunately Big Media doesn't give a shit about knowledgable fans, they cater to the schmucks who are forced into watching it because there's nothing else on...

It's the Lowest Common Denominator corallary - Anytime you get a slew of crappy beer companies' commercials - guess who the announcers are talking to...

And I HATE the mute button. Then I can't hear the crowd, the game noises, etc. The radio always has a delay, so I just talk over the blabbingheads and announce the game myself.

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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer

776 days ago

Score 0

On the plus side: You can make a GREAT drinking game with mcCarver and Buck. Every time they annoy you, slam a drink! You'll be too drunk to care by the third inning! (Works even better with Rachel Ray)

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