Roll Pats Roll: The New England Patriots
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by user Josh Q. Public
Josh Q. Public: I’m gonna roll roll roll. We’re gonna roll roll roll. We’re gonna take this town, turn it around. Gonna roll roll roll.
Public Service Announcement:
OK, here we go! Here we go to San Diego. The New York Jets blinked first. Like Bart’s three eyed fish. The Jets blinked first and got punched right in the eye. The Jets blinked late in the third quarter. The Jets blinked with the Patriots holding a 20-13 lead. The Jets blinked while driving into New England territory. Bend don’t beak, baby. Bend, don’t beak. Rosevelt Colvin. Johnny on the spot. Vince Wilfork. Johnny on the other spot. Ballgame! From there on in, it was 17-3. From there on in, the Jets never stood a chance. Tom Brady engineers a 13-play, 63-yard scoring drive that chewed up 6:23 of the fourth quarter. Choo Choo Charlie. Tom Brady engineers a 13-play, 63-yard scoring drive that chewed up the Jets’ hearts and spit them out. Tom Brady finished 22 of 34 for 212. Tom Brady improved to 11-1 in the playoffs. Tom Brady is the best post-season quarterback I’ve ever seen. Throwing laser beams. Laser beams, I tell you. If Dr. Evil was smart, he’d get frickin sharks with Tom Brady’s arm attached to their heads. Brady passed for no interceptions yesterday. Brady has started 12 postseason games, and he has thrown no INTs in eight of them. The only quarterback with as many INT-less postseason starts as Brady? C’mon. You can guess. Of course. Joe Cool. Joe Montana. He did it nine times in nearly twice as many starts. Tom Brady is a superstar. He can make a superstar out of anyone. Made Neion Deion a superstar. Yesterday, made Jabbar Gaffney a superstar. Adam Vinatieri who? We got Go-Go Gostkowski. Perfect in his first postseason appearance. Peter perfect. Peter perfect pimped a perfect Peter. Honey dripper - sucker sipper - big dipper - sucker dipper. Drippin suckers like its goin out-a-style. Creatin flavors for da Flavor Flav pile. Lampin booyee, medina style. A little Flava never hurt anybody. A little Belichick kills you. Hey Mangenious, here endeth the lesson. But, when you’re looking to hand out the game ball, you gotta hand it to the cat who’s got a basement full of ‘em. You gotta hand it to Mr. Tom Brady.
Tom Brady and his gang come swaggering into San Diego Sunday. The Patriots swagger into San Diego Sunday, playing their best football of the year. The defense is playing their best football of the year. Yesterday, two turnovers for 10 points. Asante Samuel, who scored on a 73-yard INT return in last season’s wild-card win over the Jaguars, became the first player in NFL history to score postseason TDs on interceptions in consecutive seasons. The offense is playing their best football of the year. Yesterday, scoring on its last five real possessions. The special teams are playing their best football of the year. Yesterday, they were flawless. 3-for-3 on field goals; no long returns allowed. Yes my friends, the Patriots go swaggering into San Diego Sunday. You know what that spells? Bad news for the Chargers. Roll Pats roll!!!
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even! josh q. public
