Revelations of the Remaining 2007 NFL Season
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Season 2007
1. Once the happiest of tabbies; has now left his home den, westbound in its rapid travels. To jig in rain soaked fields again. - Bengals WR Chad Johnson is traded to the Seattle Seahawks. - ChachiOSU
2. A wise ancient leader of a savage tribe, settled in a most wretched corrupt land. Grows weary with fear of mortality, and retires to tend to his galloping horse. - Legendary Washington Redskins coach Joe Gibbs retires to focus full time on his NASCAR team. - Tylersalt
3. A younger sibling grows among tall men, arises on one wounded snow covered foot. And delivers a fatal victorious blow, against an unsuspecting army of the south. New York Giants led by Eli Manning upset the Dallas Cowboys. - JuT
4. As weather warms, following season’s end; a bird of prey returns to tend the nest, Two eggs once thought broken, are mended with paternal care. - Andy Reid leaves the Philadelphia Eagles to care for his troubled sons. - JutM and Tylersalt.
5. The great finned beast drowns, in a sea of turmoil and despair. Unable to swim against the current, a prince among babes is summoned. - After floundering the entire 2007 football season, the Miami Dolphins will draft a quarterback using their first round pick. - JuTM and Tylersalt
6. Two crimson feathered creatures, wilt helpless under a desert sun. One mends a wounded wing and takes flight, while the other struggles to climb the cross. - Leinert returns to lead the Cardinals. Warner struggles to return but maintains the faith. - Cheezer
7. The great beast roars with pride, within a raucous kingdom void of a sky. A cherished king beloved by subjects, is unceremoniously trampled with impunity. - The Lions beat the Packers on Thanksgiving (at Ford Field). Brett Favre is the King trampled with impunity. - Cheezer and Tylersalt
8. A sure footed young barbarian bearing proud horns, sails an enormously large wooden ship off course. After grounding the ship’s ores upon shore, then is it understood, a voyage bound captain requires a sea salty crew. - Running back phenom Adrian Peterson requires veteran help to catapult the Minnesota Vikings offense. Jeff George is summoned! - JMFlyer and Tylersalt.
9. An army wearing the bolt once considered invincible by many, is catastrophically led by a fool to humbling defeat. Once the incumbent is expelled from the enormous sea beast’s womb, the second in command previously from the middle country shall lead. - Norv Turner, after leading the San Diego Chargers to a disappointing season after last year's dominance, is fired leaving former Chicago defensive coordinator Ron Rivera to be next year's head coach. - Tylersalt
10. A breeze dies after gusting ever so strong, in a land once felled by the sea. One messenger is slowed with a limp, and replaced by another that is to become legendary. - Drew Brees had a bad early season in New Orleans (a land once felled by the sea). Deuce McAllister went out with an ACL, but the young phenom Reggie Bush has taken his place. - Tylersalt
11. A destitute starving four legged woolly beast, migrates north to a strange snow covered nation to feed. Doomed by years’ past of a wayward missile far right, its most famous member is locked away in the tower. - The Buffalo Bills move to Toronto, leaving the fans in western New York with nothing but bitter memories of Scott Norwood and thoughts of O.J. Simpson in jail. - Tylersalt
12. A phoenix shall not rise from his ashes, as it pays penalty for crimes against the howlers. Its city once threatened to explode, must suffer as the heir fails time and again. - Michael Vick's unceremonious departure because of a dog fighting conviction curses the Falcons for the years to come. Joey Harrington continues to fail with a new team as he did with his two other teams. - Tylersalt
13. A voice once muted, roars spitefully once again, as the heavens fail to hurtle the rock towards outreached hands. A starry band of brothers divides over bitter dispute, The unsteady leather handler weeps in despair. Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens opens his yap once again and shatters the confidence of Tony Romo. - Tylersalt
14. A forgotten legion of iron clad battle tested soldiers, surprisingly rises once again. The big clock chimes seven before day’s end, to the hooded fang’s dismay as his third eye grows blind. - The Steelers beat the Patriots on pass from Roethlisberger because Belichick can't steal their signs with the camera anymore. - Steel Town
15. In a quaking land of fog by the sea, the namesake of the ancient Macedonian king falters. The man of fine linens and fabrics is exiled, while a hero once lost now returns home to lead. - Alex Smith does poorly for the rest of the season in San Francisco. Mike Nolan and his suit are fired and are replaced by George Seifert. - Tylersalt and JutM
16. A foot treasured by many, fails at winter day’s end, echoes of dismay resonate among the tall peaks. Calls for the pipe fitter’s return fall upon deaf ears, A city in the great sky must accept the dull blade. - Jason Elam misses a key field goal late in the season and the Broncos miss the playoffs. Jake Plummer isn't walking back through that door, so Denver fans must learn to deal the the disappointing Jay Cutler. - Tylersalt
17. A proud old crow in royal purple and black, conquers no more and can no longer defend its nest. The walker of the sky is wounded and does not return, while the pot boils beyond its control and is engulfed in flames. - Ray Lewis leaves, "Air McNair" leaves, and Kyle Boller (boiler?) can't stop the Ravens from going down the tubes. - Tylersalt
18. The famed grizzled general is discovered, drinking from a forbidden fountain of youth. An empire falls in a colossal heap, and thousands mourn at the frozen field. - Brett Favre is discovered to be on HGH and the Packers's newfound success will be short-lived without Favre. - JuTM and Tylersalt
19. An unforgiving populace from the swamp, demands penance from its weak limbed son. A suitor fails to deliver upon expectations, and the taskmaster returns to feast and drink at the head table. - Jets fans cry for Pennington to be benched, but once Mangini realizes that Clemens is not the answer Pennington becomes the starter again. The stress of losing has a rather noticeable increase in appetite for Coach Mangini. - Steel Town and JuTM
20. A strong willed hermit wearing red, coaxes his klan of unknowns to rise and fight. The Cal warrior is struck by lightening yet emerges victorious, while a lamed man of God watches close by. - Herm Edwards leads the Chiefs to success this season. Former Cal standout Tony Gonzalez has a fantastic second half, while Priest Holmes remains looking over Larry Johnson's shoulder. The Chiefs defeat the San Diego Chargers. - Tylersalt and JuTM
21. For a few silver dollars more, the mercenaries in black, are beckoned to return to the kingdom of angels. Devoted followers from the town of the oaks, dressed in goth will light a large flame. - The Raiders move back to Los Angeles with its fans creating havoc in Oakland. - ChachiOSU
22. Land of bitter rain at sea’s edge, falters by a catastrophic decision from the bald one. A populace saddened by sudden demise, turns to the dark bitter bean to drink. - Matt Hasselbeck commits a boneheaded mistake that results an unfulfilled Seattle Seahawks season. - JuTM and Tylersalt
23. A once sure footed horned beast, flops in exhaustion on its own ground. These guards of the French king’s city, capture no battles by season’s end. The St. Louis Rams will remain winless in 2007. Steven Jackson will suffer an injury. - Tylersalt
24. Early riches prove later to be fool’s gold, as the pound of angry zealots growl ferociously. Chants for the appearance of an Irish quill cascade, as a Roman watches the lamb frolic among hungry wolves. - Cleveland's early success will fade, and the fans will grow restless and begin clamoring for Brady Quinn, who will struggle mightily after Romeo Crennel makes him the starter. - Tylersalt
25. A falcon flies south to roost in a land rich with black tea, promise for a better future grows each passing day. The white horse is nearly corralled before a famous son’s birthday, as the Deutsche ultimately fulfills a victor’s prophesy. - Matt Schaub and the resurging Texans nearly beat the Colts prior to Christmas. Schaub will correctly guarantee his team making the playoffs next season. - Tylersalt and Cheezer
26. Named after the white clay, a star among stars is born, while no longer haunted by the demonic son of John. Men of legend shall rise next season, as a young boy matures into a valiant fighting man. - Titan is Greek for white clay. Vince Young is an emerging star on a talented team. PacMan Jones (surname derived from John) is of no consequence and isn't missed. Young becomes a superstar next season. - Cheezer and Tylersalt
27. Wounded by a sharp sliver in its paw, a cruel growl beckons from its den. Sleep and heal this winter, it very well may, as to return to vanquish slanderers and foes alike. - The Bears will miss the playoffs this year, but will return to them next year. Brian Urlacher will return to form and have his revenge against Jay Mariotti. - ChachiOSU and Tylersalt
28. A man of extreme age answers the cry of the dark leopard, and is pounced helplessly by its invading captors. Citizenry of the more northern of Carolines, half-heartedly embrace the descendent of the spear. - Vinny Testaverde returns only to get injured and supplanted by David Carr. - Tylersalt
29. Once swashbuckling and conquering was this crew, now with its ship run aground and sinking. Its master with the court jester impressionable face, walks off the plank to swim among circling sharks. - Head coach John Gruden is fired by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. - Tylersalt
30. A proud ignored feline of the plains suddenly is given due notice, when it quickly strikes down upon unsuspecting prey. Only then does the jungle take notice, of the croc hiding amidst the spotted cat’s fur coat. - The Jacksonville Jaguars make the playoffs and surprisingly win a wild card playoff game led by Fred Taylor, a Florida alum. - JutM
31. The hooded fang and his eager glowering apprentice, ran roughshod of their opponents throughout autumn’s days. Battles won previously from the air, but not from the ground, a defeat is celebrated with excessive wine by old men of prestige order. - Belichick and Brady lose a game dominated by the run to the Steelers in the playoffs and the 72 Dolphins celebrate the loss. - Cheezer and Steel Town
32. A restrained horse of ivory texture, led quietly by an unassuming God fearing wise man. Strategically avoids controversy, And emerges victorious once again. - The Colts repeat as Super Bowl champions - JuTM and Tylersalt.
The rules are simple. Opine your detailed interpretations of these newly discovered prophecies.
Hint: No more than one per NFL team has been issued. Answers will be provided once our panel of esteemed participating members grow bored with this game.
Happy Halloween and @#$@! Jay Mariotti!
