Randy Moss Gets Award Named in His Honor and It’s Not a Bong
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by user LastRow
Now that this college football season is on its last legs the picture begins to get oh so clearer…Well, that is if you count seven or so teams fighting for that second spot in the BCS National Championship game. However the picture isn’t just becoming clearer for Glendale, it’s also taking shape for the countless awards that are handed out annually to players who have busted their ass day in and day out since August to becoming the best and their position. Although I must be honest, these damn things confuse the hell out of me! Can anyone tell me the difference between “Coach of the Year” & “Top Coach”? Or the difference between “Player of the Year” & the “Heisman Trophy”? I’m not the smartest “Ingrown Butthair” around, but they one in the same? I guess this is just some more compliments of the BCS system.
Well, this year there’s going to be a new piece of hardware handed out…Not like there isn’t enough already. Just another thing anyone will be able to bid on when it goes on Ebay in the years to come. This new piece of hardware will go to the top returner in Division I-A college football as chosen by sports information directors. Isn’t it about time these nitwit returners get some kind of love…Why I’d rather attempt to run through a concrete wall than be a kick/punt returner. And to think, we thought Mike Tyson was a little strange! So what will the nation’s top returner receive? None other than the Randy Moss Return Man Award. Okay, did April Fools come early this year or what? Randy Moss has a new award named after him? What’s next…Are they going to rename the Ray Guy award Mitch Cozad Best Butcher, because nobody else can carve up a fellow punter’s leg like he can! WTF?
Yes, doesn’t Randy exemplify the model for which all honors should be named after? Okay, so he was the leading kick returner in Division I-AA in 1996 when he averaged 34.6 yards per return for Marshall…I give a shit! Although why was he at Marshall in the first place? Oh, that’s right…He got kicked out of Notre Dame for being a pot head and then to make matters worse, got kicked out of Florida State for the same thing. You know it’s bad when you get the boot out of Tallahassee! He had nowhere else to go! "Back in college, I took pride in that," Moss said. What’s that Randy…Returning punts or getting high? I’m curious, does this award come with a bong? Or maybe it’s in the shape of one?
So, now he’s going to have his name mentioned along side Doak Walker, Lombardi, Lou Groza, Fred Biletnikoff, Eddie Robinson, Outland, and others. A guy who has returned two kicks and 18 punts in his nine-year NFL career gets his name on an award. This same fellow who ran down a police officer, have called out teammates numerous times, decided to hose down a referee with a water bottle, (I guess he thought he looked a little hot?), has quit on his teammates, who has admitted to “Smoking Up” even to this day, and who now tells us he drops passes because “He’s not happy”…I guess it could be worse. They could’ve named this in honor of Rae Caruth…He was a hell of a kick returner out in Boulder. Never mind the fact that he’s in jail now for the murder of his fiancée! I guess Lawerence Phillips was unavailable too?
By no means am I questioning Randy’s athletic ability, although he probably got all his speed from running from police…All I’m saying is it most likely wouldn’t have been my first choice. Maybe Tim Brown, (since he did win his Heisman Trophy that way) Raghib “Rocket” Ismail, Desmond Howard, (another Heisman Trophy winner), etc..
For an organization who likes to stress always doing the right thing, the NCAA fumbled this one away! On a lighter note…Be sure to be on the lookout too for the brand new Ron Artest Sportsmanship Award that will be handed out at the Final Four in Atlanta this spring! With the following awards to follow at some point?
Dwight Gooden – 25 to Life Award Steve Bertuzzi – Ultimate Fighting Championship Tapout Award Terrell Owens – The Doom Award Maurice Clarett – The Mortal Kombat Award Marty Mcsorley – The Samurai Award Jose Canseco – Take Two of These and Call Me in the Morning Award Mark McGwire – Best Body by Andro Award Dave Bliss – The Killing Some Time Award
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