Pulled from the classified Sect.

by Barkingclam

Maybe it’s just me - and I’m sure it is - but I’ve always been a fan of the classified section of the newspaper. People selling items, all summarily described, to complete strangers. Great buys and items you may not see anywhere else. And a lot of junk.

Anyway, I recently clipped a few items that I felt needed to be shared - maybe somebody out there can make an offer, or two.

WANTED: “Are you an Argo-nut who can throw the ball? We’re looking for you! Must bring own helmet, shoulder pads - balls and recivers will be supplied. No Vicks. Call M. Clemens, KL5-0901”

FOR SALE: “Give this Priest a Home. One Running back, hardly used since 2005, some minor upper damage, 1500 yard potential. Must pay shipping, health insurance. Call H. Edwards, KC9-2121”

FOR SALE: “Duck seeks new pond. Goaltender, like new, great potential. Doesn’t speak English, must supply own translator/mask. MUST SELL. B. Berke, AN9-0011”

WANTED: “Gamble on us! Does your TV station have a hole to fill? Is poker too boring for your viewers? Do you remember a guy named Gretzky? Take a chance on us ! Call us today! G. Bettman, NH3-09123”

PERSONAL: “Are you down tonight? Do you need a clutch tray, a buzzer-beating jumpshot? Or is Spike Lee not excited enough anymore? Give me a call - I’ll be waiting! R. Miller - IN3-9943”

FOR SALE: “One dog ‘mating’ stand. Barely used. Serious inquires only. M. Vick, LS7-0909