Planes, Trains, & Automobiles of College Football

by user LastRow

Here it is 48 hours after the last college football game of the opening weekend was played and we’re already in the midst of controversy over the polls. Though I’ll admit, I’d much rather hear this griping than the ball & chain bellowing from the next room…For I’ve waited nine whole months for this. Who knew politics could be so much fun?

Remember that whole dilemma a few years back when we didn’t know our President was going to be thanks to the fine voters in the South Florida region. Well, thanks to the hard working LastRowSports.com investigating team we finally have uncovered the mystery into what went wrong. Jim Tressel was in charge of the voting precincts at that time. Yes, he does know how to fill out a ballot better than a 95-year old hag…At least she has an excuse, for she’s blind as a bat, but of course still driving. Maybe that’s why Jimmy wears glasses? So in his eyes, (no pun intend), the Texas Longhorns are the number one team in the country. Then why didn’t your vote back that up? What, punch the wrong hole? Is Maurice Clarett helping you fill out your weekly voting sheet?

Of course this has been the norm for so many years. Sports Information Directors always get the glorified distinction of choosing & submitting weekly poll ballots. So then why is it still called the coaches poll? Why not rename the poll the USA Today/S.I.D. Poll? Just another great blemish in the world of college football. What, coaches are more busy than sports information directors…I highly doubt that. Football coaches have one sport to worry about, S.I.D.’s have countless of sports. Now we all know you’ve stressed to your team on countless of occasions of being on the same page…You might want to take your own advice and get on the same page as your Sports Information Director to see who he voted for before you make yourself look silly.

Aww, politics…We all know you don’t honestly believe Texas is number one, so what’s worse? Blowing smoke up the Longhorns ass or lying and making yourself look like the ass? The verdict is still out on this question. One thing everybody does know is coaches never lie…Now, that would just be totally wrong. What kind of example would that be setting to their kids? At least Mack Brown sets a good example by sitting big time players in big time games for waving a magic wand around while getting high in the process. Great combo there.

So now it’s one vs. two on Saturday in Austin…Is that a big shock? No, not when we’re dealing with politics here? The only question I have is why not rank them one, two in the AP preseason poll? Both had convincing wins on Saturday, though I think some of these South Florida high schools could’ve handled North Texas & Northern Illinois respectively. Funny as how Notre Dame goes on the road to a hostile environment comes out with the win and drops in the polls. Suddenly now they’re overrated…Funny how that works. Did I mention how much I love politics? So OSU & UT are superior teams & people have overestimated the Irish. So if this is the case, well hell, why not just give USC the National Championship right now? Jumping from six to three after taking care of Houston Nutt’s Razorbacks, (if that’s not the greatest football coach name, I don’t know what is)?

After last year when Texas went to the Horseshoe and won, all we heard about for the rest of the season was how great it was going to be to see a Horns-Trojans matchup in the Rose Bowl. Why they were clearly the two best teams, how about this year all the media shut their pie holes a lets see how this thing plays out? What a concept. After the first week of college football we know everybody wanted to see number one vs. two in Austin, although Jim Tressel is a bit confused about that. Everything about Georgia Tech sucks…That’s just a little insight from me. The Arkansas Razorbacks must be better than we all know, to quote our senile friend Lee Corso, “Somebody knows something I don’t know & I’m going with that somebody,”…Sorry for underestimating your team coach Nutt. The Louisville Cardinals caught a bad break…Again, no pun intended. Well that’s about all I got for you out there…Time for me to pack up & close up the LastRow. Got a plane to catch…Destination: Indianapolis. Then a two hour journey to God’s country in South Bend to meet up with Joe Pa & Charlie this weekend to share my expertise with them. Hold it down until I get back all you Pillow biters…The LastRow will resume its services next Tuesday. Norm needs to start drinking now…For he isn’t a big fan of flying!

LastRowSports.com

Date

Wed 09/06/06, 3:23 pm EST