Pacman Tries to Push Rest Button

by user LastRow

Look who’s back! For the handful or less who have come to enjoy reading my delicious mix of sports rants, information, and editorials for the sports appetite…The turnstiles are now officially back open. The reason for the month long shutdown was simply…I had to move locations. You see, I’m in the witness protection program…And well, those Donut Ponders finally were on to me, so I had no choice but to abandon my seat in the LastRow! Yes, I’m allergic to powdered sugar, glaze, brown sugar, jelly, & sprinkles…Really though, who isn’t? So after nearly a month being in the dark, on the run from Boss Hog & Roscoe…It’s funny, I can truly say I know what it’s like to be Pacman Jones. Minus throwing around $80,000 of course.

What’s with him filing an appeal of his season-long suspension on Monday? Did this cat miraculously transform into a model citizen after being handed the suspension on April 3. Of course, however, I guess if serial killers can appeal, and appeal, and appeal again…Well, why can’t Jones, right? Hell, it’s not like he has every killed anybody, right? At least not yet. It should be worth mentioning, it’s not like you’re in the Rae Caruth category here. So in that respect, I guess the glass should be looked at as half full as opposed to three-quarters of the way empty. Then again, perhaps just the Tennessee Titans organization from a PR standpoint. Look Pacman…I know your name is such, but honestly you might think so in that flea infested melon of yours, but the real world doesn’t operate like the video game you call yourself. There isn’t any reset buttons you can press, buddy. Sorry, Roger Goodell has eaten you all up pal, just like your pals…Inky, Winky, & Blinky, they’ve beem eaten up your life.

Once again we see just another example of what kind of moron you really are as you sat ringside at a boxing match in some hole in a town in Mississippi, that you thought the punishment was "a little too harsh." You know, you’re right…The resume that you’ve continued to polish up so professionally ever since the Titans drafted you in April, 2005, only has included 10 incidents in which you have been interviewed by police with five arrests. "He will have a full opportunity to present his case," NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said. A full opportunity to present his case, huh…I love it when lawyers talk. They talk with $80,000 words, (no pun intended on the amount) and don’t make two cents of sense! Hey, I know, I watch Shark! What in the hell does, "He will have a full opportunity to present his case," mean? Doesn’t a resume speak for itself? Last time I checked, well, it did! Doesn’t "presenting a resume" simply meant presenting yourself…Or something like that? Um, here’s a thought Mr. Aiello…I believe Pacman has "presented his case" time and time again! To the point of failure! Or is this where the whole, "Pacman is being deprived of making a living" card will be played? Come on, cut the crap Aiello! You know damn well that’s the card which is going to be presented…It’s your ace in the hole! Unfortunately Jones has cooked his ACE.

I chalk Goodell’s outrageous decision on suspending you for the entire season to nothing more than being a rookie in the Commissioner’s chair. He surely doesn’t know what he’s doing, right? But somehow, someway, you do, right? Handing out a season long suspension…The nerve of this Goodell guy! Setting a new precedence for all leagues! Who does he think he is, right? Bring back Tags, right Packman…He would’ve just turned the other cheek once again. Perhaps since you clearly have time on your hands now, maybe you might want to organize a "Bring Back Tags" committee. For he didn’t have any grapes to show!

It’s a given that the suspension "Roger That" handed down to you could allow for an early return if he meets several requirements…Although one tiny problem, the suspension includes a review of your case after the Titans' 10th game. Not less than a month after it was handed down. Don’t think for a second Goodell’s going to put his grapes on the table by handing down an unprecedented suspension, only to choke on his grapes a month later by reducing it. Yeah, there’s a better chance of Terrell Owens becoming a team player under Wade Phillips than that! Sorry to say, but as Lil’ Flip said…"Game Over"! It’s time for you, Pacman to face the music!

Vote in LastRowSports.com new Pick’em Poll which will put voters in a state of Bewilderment. It’s not that warm and fuzzy feeling we all enjoy, but hey put those Beer Goggles on which always work and Brady Quinn might actually begin to look like JaMarcus Russell. Vote Now Varmits...Stuff the balot boxes early and often!