Note to Lovie: Bury Cedric Benson
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by Tstelnicki03
I come not to praise Cedric Benson, but to bury him.
On the depth chart that is.
I've alluded to CB's struggles in my previous columns, occasionally going so far as to poke fun at him, or..throw fun at him, all depends on your definition of "downright degrading insults...and how they're delivered."
But I've finally decided to be mature. I've decided to be a man about this.
No more snide comments, no more sarcastic remarks, no more pithy wisecracks. No more. Done. Finito.
Instead of utilizing the surplus of Cedric Benson insults I have stored in the recesses of my brain, I've decided to launch a full-fledged, all-out attack on Cedric Benson. (Knowing how poorly he responds to full-fledged, all-out attacks from defenses every Sunday afternoon, this should go pretty smoothly.)
Ack, see there I go again, the immature comments. When I said I was going to end my continual use of them pertaining to Cedric Benson, I meant it. I'm quitting the insulting comments cold-turkey.
As an alternative, I'll be using insulting columns and blog entries in their stead. Much more effective.
You see, Cedric Benson is a terrible football player.
(You'll notice I won't cut corners with this. Being straightforward is something I'll do a lot of in this column, and it's fitting, seeing as straight forward is the only way Cedric ever tries to run, and he doesn't cut around many corners either. I just can't stop, really.)
He is, quite possibly, the worst running back in the entire National Football League right now, and I say that with quite a bit of certainty.
You see, I play fantasy football, and I feel like it gives me a better sense of the League as a whole, I keep up with different players on different teams and I feel more knowledgeable in most part thanks to fantasy. And I can tell you, right now, that even with my two starting RB's, Travis Henry and Mo-Jo Drew on the verge of serious jail-time and serious DL-time respectively, there is no running back on the waiver wire right now that I wouldn't give a good, hard look at before having to even THINK about PAUSING to IMAGINE the POSSIBILITY of CONSIDERING taking a look at Cedric Benson. Yep, yeah, including Samkon Gado.
Using that random fantasy snippet as a starting point, you'll start to see where the hatred for Cedric Benson originates; from his own attitude.
When Cedric Benson touches the football, on average, he travels all of 3.1 yards before hitting the turf. He has more fumbles (3) than touchdowns (2). In case you're scoring at home, that puts him on pace for around 5 touchdowns this entire season, one fewer than last season, when he played second fiddle to (a now sorely missed) Thomas Jones. He has run for 100 yards an eye-popping total of 2 times in his 31 game career. On average, over the course of one game, Cedric Benson will pile up 43 yards of ground gained, (FYI: that's a solid half-quarter for rookie Adrian Peterson). And in case you were wondering, he isn't much better on the receiving end, he has racked up 7 first downs after making a catch to this point in his storied-career. So there are his "stats," if that's what they're to be called. I'd say they're a far cry from any kind of statistic you would reference as a stat, sans parentheses.
But you wouldn't have any clue as to the way Cedric struggles to cross the line of scrimmage, at least not based on the way he carries himself.
The mustachioed Benson has an ever-present air of nonchalance, which seems to be with him in any and all situations he's placed in. While being interviewed, he's let loose some of the straight-to-the-motivational-posterboard quotes such as, “I don't know. I guess it wasn't my day,” or "It's just part of the game."
Woah there! My 2nd grade baseball coach, the same guy who was prone to unnecessary and unearned encouragement, a student of the "everyone's a winner" school of thought, and a big fan of post-game, celebratory juiceboxes just flashed across my mind. Odd.
Ya see Cedric, it's pretty clear that after 7 games of your "attempts" at "running" that you're pretty useless. I think that might've even caught Ol' Man Lovie's good eye. I know you Cedric. I know how you run. I could pick your style out of a lineup. Continually hitting the line of scrimmage, where there's absolutely, always, guaranteed NOT to be a hole, turning around, maybe make a sad attempt to wriggle free, and falling down? Yeah, that's Benson.
Let's make one thing clear: Cedric Benson is never tackled, he's touched down after falling and refusing to get up.
But the thing is Ced, (I called ya Ced there, almost like we're buddies. But we're not.) it doesn't seem like you care. It's obvious on the field and off it.
The next time you break a tackle, it'd be the first. The next time you actually see the gaping hole 2 yards to your left, and make a break for it, it'd be the first. The next time you actually churn your legs and pound yourself into that line of scrimmage and move that pile, as opposed to casually bumping into it, as if by accident, it'd be the first. The next time you break into the open field, it'd be the first. The next time you decide to throw a block for Griese in a passing situation, it'd be the first. The next time we hear a teammate applaud your selfless attitude and charismatic personality in the lockerrom, it'd be the first.
The next time the Chicago Bears win a game because of you and not despite you, it'd be the first. (Not to mention a huge shock.)
Cedric Benson is the worst of both worlds. He's incompetent, and it doesn't seem like he cares. Hey, we're used to our athletes not caring all the time. I mean hell, we watch the NBA don't we? So we should be used to the detached mentality of today's sporting heroes.
But when a well-hyped college player is taken 4th overall, waits a few seasons in the wings, and finally gets his chance, and completely bombs, and THEN doesn't give a crap, don't we have a legitimate beef?
I shouldn't speak for the rest of Bear Country, Cedric, but if it were up to me, I wouldn't be bothered half as much by your putrid stats and utter ineffectiveness if you honestly seemed like you cared. Maybe an apology to the fans? Maybe an apology to your teammates? Maybe a resolution to improve? Anything. I'm graspin' at straws here. Anything, CB.
My Sunday consists of three things, Mass, Bears game, homework. In that order. After Mass, it's Bears time. Takin' a seat and preparing to watch the Monsters of the Midway do battle with whatever poor, unfortunate team has been fated to endure the barrage of tough, gritty Bears football for the following three hours is probably one of the highlights of my week, bar none.
But during this 2007 Bears season, before every game there comes a moment, and during said moment, a thought sneaks it's way into my head, and said thought consists of Cedric Benson, and how terribly he is going to play. Week in and week out, this thought won't leave me alone. It's always there, it's the thought of the Bears, after receiving the opening kickoff, (wisely kicked away from Superman) will, on the first play from scrimmage, attempt to run Cedric Benson straight up the middle. These attempts, for the most part, end up distressingly fruitless.
Yet every game, Lovie Smith will run that play.
And on every 3rd down, Adrian Peterson will jump into that huddle. Why? Because on the previous two downs, Cedric Benson failed to reach the original line of scrimmage, or anything beyond, and the Bears have been forced to pass. A-Pete hustles onto the field because he can block, and the Bears are going to need one, one block being something Cedric Benson cannot provide.
It seems like there are a lot of things Cedric Benson can't provide. Not just yards and blocks, but answers, apologies, hell, I'd settle for an excuse right now.
Lovie, we know you're stubborn, and if the question was posed, I'm almost positive the answer would be, "Cedric is our runningback," but please, give Peterson or the spunky rook Garrett Wolfe a shot.
Call it a shot in the arm, call it a change of pace, whatever you want. The Bears can't keep winning by the hair on their chinny-chin-chins, it's not how you win a division.
We know you aren't going to praise Cedric, but do us all a favor and bury him. And make it real deep.
