NFL Subplots-Week 2

by TheBatman

NE-SD

I certainly took a lot of heat last week for my statements about the Moss acquisition in NE. The temperature seemed to cool tremendously, though with the revelation that the Pats might have had a hint about what the Jersey/B planned to do defensively last week.

Don't start writing the Chargers down for the W just yet, though. Sure, it'll get a might bit harder for Tom and Randy to make it into a pitch and catch-a-thon now that they don't have a heads up on what D the opponent will run. But let's not underestimate the NT factor, that Norv Turner for those who haven't been singing along.

Sure the Chargers pulled a tough one out against a formidable opponent. But that formidable opponent handed them more than the 14 pts SD put on the board. This Chargers team is already looking like the underperforming, undisciplined crews Norv is known to produce.

This week's game is too close to call. But neither of these teams will be the juggernauts the anlaysts predicted, going forward. Look for the wheels to start coming off in SD (week 6) before NE though.

IND-TN

The Colts looked phenomenal against the Aints. Had they played on Sunday, the NE Perps big "win" wouldn't have looked so big. Look for a slight Indy letdown this week, though. Indy doesn't have 15 more opponents waking up from a bad hangover this year, either.

TN punches everybody in the mouth defensively, and even though VY is going to continue to look subpar statistically, I get nervous about betting against him. He's still the guy who singlehandedly destroyed a BCS Championship for a vastly more talented USC team. The guy just wins football games. Whether or not he'll be a real NFL QB is still open for discussion. Even though I see the Tacks and VY taking a step back this year, I just love his talent level.

CIN-CLE

Here's what we know. The Ravens got 8 chances to score last week and couldn't recover from one bad call. The Bengals got one good call and still defended their end 7 times. Are the Bengals overrated? No. They made the plays they had to, even after Ed Reed tried to break their backs with a scintillating TD return.

In CLE, the Brady Quinn watch is at two quarters and counting. If we don't see him by the second half of next week's game. I’ll personally drive to Foxboro and kiss Moss' butt. Who are we kidding, no I won't. But Romeo knows what he has in Anderson, and he knew what he had in Frye. So the only hope to keep his salary and avoid becoming a "special assistant to the vidoegrapher" in NE, rides on #10.

SF-STL

The Niners are bringing sexy back. Is there a sexier pick as a not so dark horse as a Division Champ? Two years ago, I called Alex Smith a total bust. That makes me about as wrong with that call as Erma4USC was in calling Doug Williams a "scab". Smith was phenomenal last week, and the Niners will be the real deal under Nolan.

STL, on the other hand is the fake deal. The rumors of the "Greatest Show on Turf" v. 2.0 were as Mark Twain would say, 'greatly exaggerated".  Here are the facts. Holt and Bruce are old and brittle. Mark Bulger is very accurate, but not the alien Kurt Warner. And The STL defense is about 25% as talented as the one that kept giving Kurt and Co. the ball back. The Rams are an 8-9 win team.

GB-JERSEY/A

Watch that Pack Defense round into the dominant squad everyone says the Ravens still have. Watch Brett Favre fade into the sunset. Watch the Packers contend.

I will say this for Favre. He was hilarious, but not mean, in his remarks about the hefty lefty.

JERSEY/A

I know I'm not the only dying to see an onrushing safety slam into and bounce off of the Hefty Lefty, wondering what kind of truck he ran into. Remember when they used to call Jim Kelly a LB wearing a QB number? What does that make Lorenzen? A  NT under center? Something makes me want to see Lorenzen succeed and create the obvious controversy in NY.

BUF-PIT

This is the real season opener for Pittsburgh. I love my Steelers, but when a team commits four penalties during a 15 yard punt, they should just call the game right there. Pittsburgh still has some issues on the OL to solve, witnessed by a complete inability to run the ball before the score got out of hand. And B-Ro still forces the issue and needs to learn how to throw to RB's.

I still love the dignity and intelligence that Tomlin has restored to the sideline in Pitt. How it took the Rooney's 15 seasons to figure out that grown men tune out temper tantrums is beyond me.

As for the Bills, they're going to suffer from the dreaded Jauron curse and the Loseman factor until both are dispatched elsewhere. Jauron turns 13-3 teams into 3-13 teams like hotcakes, and if it wasn't for the deep ball, JP would have no ball at all.

What's worse than bringing back a career choker as your HC? Bringing him back as your GM. I have nothing but Pity for Bills fans these days.

NO-TB

Look for the Saints to pull a complete 180 and show us that they're the slightly above average team we always knew they were. Unless Sean Payton gets it out of his mind that Mr. Bojangles is not feature back, that is.

Look for poor, 37 y/o undersized, pop-gun armed Jeff Garcia to finally shatter into pieces in the coming weeks. Jon Gruden, wtf? You won Tony Dungy's SB, and went about dissembling a SB team into a perennial cellar dweller. Sure you're fun to watch, but so was Nick Saban. Hell, Jim Mora Sr. was a press conference circus, before Denny Green even contemplated a meltdown. But you all have something in common. You suck.

HOU-CAR

I expect the Texans to continue to surprise. I expect the Panthers to continue to be over-rated. I expect Mario Williams to continue to outscore Reggie Bush.

ATL-JAX

Joseph Harrington has about one more game before the Falcons sign Byron "Club" Sandwich, or maybe even Tommy "Gun" Maddox for that matter. True, ATL and Minnesota set offense back 50 years last week. And Granted, the whole Falcons team pooped their drawers last week. But how long will Petrino settle for a timid, confused QB who cant handle game speed defenses? Answer; not long.

Does that mean I'm changing course and saying the Falcons were better off with Vick? No. The only difference between Harrington and Vick at QB is that Vick was too stupid to admit he was a RB, and Harrington knows in his heart, that's he's a backup on his best days.

David Garrard? Cut that out. No really, get a cardboard cutout, put it behind the center and you'll get the same performance. JAX is dead if Garrard is their guy. They'd probably go 12-4 with Beverly D'Angelo at QB. But I don;t think she'll play for them, and Del Rio doesn't even have her number. (Thanks, Seth).

MIN-DET

Next Question.

DAL-MIA

Look for Miami to go six-wide and not even use a QB. Watching the Cowboys get carved up by Eli and company had to be downright frightening to Jerry.  But this is another case of what happens when you hire loser coaches to take over wining teams.

As for the Fish, I'm not sold on the "Cam Cameron Experience". That whole, "you guys coach, I gotta look at the players", gig in the last preseason game was bizarre. Don't HC's evaluate players during games anyway?

And is his first name Cameron, too? No, it's actually Malcolm. But is that any better? And shouldn't he be "Colm" Cameron, then? I don't know, I smell 6-8 wins wafting in from the sea.

SEA-ARI

Mike Holmgren went on record as saying it's tough enough to win a game, without an opponent videotaping your calls. At least now he's criticizing other HC's instead of the Zebra's.

'''''

DEN-OAK

Jay Cutler is a man. Two fourth and two’s, one stick-throw and one run; both drive savers to win the game at BUF. People say he reminds them of John Elway. I say he reminds me of Jay Cutler. Wishing does not make it so, nor do I wish for Cutler to become better than Big Ben, but there’s something about this guy, and it smells like money.

For some reason I think the Raiders have trumped the Akili Smith signing this week. While he has the physical tools a coaches drool over, I just don’t see this guy ever being a franchise QB. I see a more muscular Aaron Brooks coming down the pike. Not a guy who will make a bad team better, but a guy who will make average teams terrible. I don’t know what it is. There’s no good reason to believe Russell won’t be at least very good. Yet I’m not buying. Besides, paying a rookie $60mm is just insane.

JERSEY/B-BAL

Kellen Clemens to start? Who would have thought the Jets would be looking at a Chad Pennington injury this season. We all did, that’s who. I don’t think JETS fans even bet the games any more, they just bet the over under for when Pennington goes on IR. This is my sleeper pick to sign Byron “The Earl of” Sandwich. I know signing Leftwich  would be a news-making event, but I think Mangina likes QB’s who can throw the long out, or at least the short out, which means Chad is left out.

And finally, has Steve McNair (the Warrior) finally lost the tools to go to battle? There have been enough people asking that question recently to at least mention it. But noooooooooo. Here’s what we know about the Alcorn State Ares.

One, he will get injured at least six to 8 times this season.

Two:  at least one of those injuries will see McNair limp back onto the field with one of limbs duct taped to his body.

Three: He will start slowly in the first few games, as he always does.

Four: Until January, McNair will find some way, somehow, to rip the hearts out of 10-12 opponents every season. The guy’s just a winner, a regular season winner, that is.