Miami Grasping for Straws with Bernie Kosar

by user LastRow

As I sat here yesterday, in this same seat, striking these same keys with my greasy fingers while looking at this same screen in front of me…I began to chase a wild goose. Why? For the simple fact that it’s one hell of an exercise! Those of you who read my Sports ScuttleButt 24 hours ago you would know what I’m talking about…For those that didn’t, well I’m very disappointed in all of you! Guess that just means Santa won’t be visiting your happy home in a few weeks!

Anyhow, I pondered the notion of Nick Saban leaving the Miami Dolphins after this season and take I-95 a little further south to Coral Cables to sign on as the new Head Coach of the Miami Hurricanes. Where did I come up with that? Left-Center field I’ll have you know! However, as crazy as that might’ve sounded a day ago, it certainly has nothing on what’s coming out of Miami today! As the Miami Hurricanes continue to grasp for straws as they vigorously try to replace Larry Coker…They’ve come to the realization that nobody really wants the job! Should this be a surprise, well sort of! The bigger surprise here that now the name of one Bernie Kosar is now being mentioned as a possible candidate for the vacancy! What, you guys wanted Vinny Testaverde, but since he’s employed by the Patriots, you didn’t think that was the best solution?

The turbulent season in Miami continues…After getting bitch slapped in the face by, (let’s be real here) your one and only candidate Greg Schiano, now you’re forced to turn to a fan favorite as the Hurricanes quarterback from 1983 to 1984 in Kosar. Man, how far have you guys fallen? It’s clear of the face of the earth is too generous! Although I must say, other names have been mentioned as possible candidates - former Wisconsin coach Barry Alvarez, South Florida's Jim Leavitt, Auburn's Tommy Tuberville, Texas Tech's Mike Leach and former Alabama Coach Mike Shula. Some NFL coaches are also in the mix. Who, Nick Saban?

Let’s see, Barry would be dumb to leave his A.D. gig at Wisconsin…Why would Leavitt & Tuberville leave their “cush” situation, to take this “Death Trap” of a job? Shula just got fired from Alabama. And well, Mike Leach…Does Texas Tech even play football? I love how you laid out your list of candidates…It’s a “Who’s Who” of who’s not coming to Coral Gables! Well thought out…Perhaps next time you fire a coach, you knuckleheads might want to do some of your research BEFORE HAND, get all YOUR DUCKS IN A ROW and have it WELL PLANNED OUT before cutting ties!

So you fire a guy in Coker, after the Hurricanes completed a 6-6 season after going 53-9 in Coker's first five years at Miami…And let’s not forget a National Championship, (nearly had two, but I won’t go there) to have what looks like what might be your leading candidate to take over the mess down there with absolutely no coaching experience what so ever! How bad can things get in Coral Gables? Okay, so Kosar might have coached his son’s pee-wee football team on an occasion or two, but hey, so did Bill Romanowski. Hey, that’s it! Did anybody call Romo to see if he’d be interested…Why he fits everything that your football program exemplifies!

Considering the only confirmed candidate to replace Coker is Miami defensive coordinator Randy Shannon who hasn't commented on his interest in the job. Here’s a news flash…If Shanney hasn’t commented one way or another by now…I’m just guessing it’s safe to say he doesn’t want it. That’s like waiting by the phone to see if somebody you really, really like is going to call you back! What is this, Junior High? Although I do have a suggestion as to how you guys at “The U” can find out…Just pass Randy a note saying the following: “Randy, Do You Like Me? YES or NO? Please Circle One!” Yeah, that should work!

Don’t worry, you don’t have to do this with Bernie, you already know his feelings. "Yeah, I'm interested," Kosar said. "UM people knew that I had been offered the president of the Cleveland Browns job. They knew I wanted to get back into football and asked if I'd be interested in the UM job. At first it was just flattering, but then I thought, 'Yeah, I'd really like to look into it,"'…And since has had preliminary talks with university officials about replacing Larry Coker who was fired last month. That’s all fine a dandy Bernie, but I’m interested in dating a Playboy Playmate, but for some reason I don’t see that happening anytime soon! Oddly enough, I don’t qualify for the position! Before landing one of Hef’s Beauties, some hurdles need to be jumped along the way…You know, they tend to enjoy looking at the resume of past experiences! I’m sorry Bernie, what makes you qualified for the position again? Oh yes, how silly of me to forget…”A fan favorite as the Hurricanes quarterback from 1983 to 1984.” Well,then perhaps I do have a chance with a Playmate…For they seem to like me every time I party with them!

Do I hear wedding bells in the near future? Considering the fact that nobody in their right mind would want this job…It could be very likely! Hope so, since that would mean a Playmate is on her way to me! Who’s to say though? Even if this has no truth to it, you’ll have to excuse me while I relieve myself in my pants because I’m laughing so hard at this notion! “Bernie Kosar, new Head Coach of the Miami Hurricanes.” Just now my Nick Saban theory of leaving the Dolphins for the Hurricanes doesn’t sound as ludicrous as this one does! Or Tom Izzo taking over the Michigan State football program!

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