McBeamy
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by Tyduffy
The Pittsburgh Steelers, one of the most iconic franchises in American sports, has unveiled a new mascot, named Steely McBeam. The name was chosen in a fan vote, from 70,000 names that were submitted. McBeam will appear at all team functions, and will make his regular season debut in the Steelers' home opener on Sept. 16th.
The initial question that needs to be asked is why the Steelers felt they needed a mascot. Does anyone like mascots? Is there one mascot who makes a dramatic improvement to the entertainment experience at a sporting event? The Steelers are, perhaps, the most traditional franchise in the NFL. They rejected the notion of having cheerleaders because they felt it to be cheap and gimmicky. Yet, they decide to create a mascot? There is no rational explanation for this, except perhaps to rectify a distinct lack of prominent lower jaw in the wake of Bill Cowher's departure from the team.
Second, could they have found a more porn-star sounding name than "Steely McBeam." There are phallic references in both the first and last name. One would think that their first priority would be to make sure that the name could not be employed as a sexual pun. Everyone over the age of 10 will snicker every time they hear the name. How could an entire marketing team miss this?
We could also go into how ridiculous in apperance he is, but that would imply that there was such a thing as an attractive mascot. However, it does warrant mention, that, depending on the perspective, his chin looks like either an arse or a woman's spread legs.
The bottom line is that the Steelers have left a distinct group of teams that nobly avoided having an asinine alien like creature, animal, plant, or ridiculously outfitted white kid patrolling their sidelines. A little bit of Steeler tradition and respectibility has died tonight, never to return.
