Man Law: Don’t Sabotage The Beer Carl Lewis!

by user LastRow

Ever get a wild hair up your butt? Who hasn’t, right? It’s what makes living worth living. Okay, so maybe there’s a little more to living than wild hairs. We all get them…Some get them on a daily basis, some weekly, some monthly. Yes, we never truly know when one is going to pluck us? However, what we do know is that it doesn’t take a period of 18 years to get one as in the latest installment of “A Wild Hair Growing too Slowly.” Starring none other than the troubled, disgraced sprinter Ben Johnson.

We all remember watching Ben in amazement set a world record of 9.79 seconds to win the 100 meters in Seoul. Thinking to ourselves, “Is that humanly possible?” Well, turns out it wasn’t and he was stripped of his gold medal and world record when he tested positive for the banned steroid stanozolol. It’s Track & Field…What should we expect? Now here, 18 years have past and suddenly now Johnson has some kind of proof that he was framed by none other than rival Carl Lewis. My only question is, it took Ben’s sorry ass to somehow deviate this thought in his freaking melon. I guess it could’ve been worse…He could’ve somehow tried to blame it on the horses that he tried to race. “I have the information on how it was done and why it was done this way and who was behind it," Johnson told Melbourne's Herald Sun newspaper in a Dec. 1 interview. Let me guess, Carl Lewis was in cahoots with the Road Runner to frame you. Instead of horses, ever think of challenging the Road Runner to a race? After all, he was Carl’s inside man.

Johnson has claimed he drank beer with a former U.S. football player in the drug test waiting room at Seoul, that the footballer was "a family friend" of Carl Lewis and that his beer had been tainted with stanozolol. I know the feeling, Ben…Beer makes you do crazy shit! Hey buddy, that’s why we all drink it…Although the only nut jobs who drink it before an Olympic event would be you & Bode Miller! If one is dumb enough to drink alcohol before an event such as yourself…Well, let’s just say we know the basis upon when this notion is coming from after 18 years. Eighteen years. Hey Ben, that’s 936 weeks and know now you decide to say something? What, did your attorney give you this advice? What’s next? I bet it was you who discovered America in 1492, not Columbus! Am I right?

I don’t know what’s worse…Having O.J. come up with the whole “If I Did It” thing, or after 18 years finally pointing the blame at someone. What, did you have to get legal advice before you started pointing the finger? Didn’t want to make false accusations? Not that anybody believes any of this bunk, but hey Ben, nobody believes any of this bunk! This very humorous story coming from a sad soul who admitted he had been a long-time user of performance-enhancing drugs, but said stanozolol was not one of the drugs he had been using. So you know full well that since you never abused “stanozolol” it then had to be Carl or Carl’s buddy, “the footballer” that was behind it! Sure! I feel ya on that one man! Maybe this same “footballer” got to Floyd Landis? I think we may just havestumbled upon something here…Carl Lewis was behind Landis positive test too! I’m just glad we didn’t have to wait another 18 years to find out the real story & truth behind Landis’s test! Thanks for clearing all these unsolved mysteries up for us, Ben. I know I’ll sleep better at night and never have to wonder if Carl Lewis and the “footballer” tampered with your beer 18 years ago! Although, I always thought this was a method of “date rape”?

Time to go trim that wild hair! Followed by drinking a nice cold, refreshing bru! Although not with Carl Lewis…Can never seem to trust him!

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