MNF Openers
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Cincinnati 2.5 Baltimore
When I (Fatty) was 8 years old, my sister made me watch a Steven King’s “It,” the movie about a clown who terrorized a small town and killed everyone. I couldn’t sleep with the light off for weeks, and to this day, clowns still give me the creeps. Why do I tell you this? Because this game scares me almost as much as clowns do. Vegas has given this a 2.5 point spread, basicallyviewing these two teams as dead even at a neutral site, and we don't disagree.
Baltimore was a serviceable Steve McNair performance away from knocking off Indy in the playoffs last year. This year, they have improved their inept offense by adding a younger, more talented and slightly less crazy running back. On top of that, Baltimore still possesses a top 5 defense, despite the fact that Ray Ray “don’t call me O.J” Lewis is a year older and that they lost Thomas to New England.
However, it is Monday Night Football, and the home team and their fans should be as pumped up as ever. Even though the likes of Dandy Dan Meredith, Howard Cossell and Frank Gifford have been replaced by guys like Mike Tirico, the white guy from PTI, and the geek from NFL matchup, Monday Night Football is still special, especially when it is the season opener. Look for Cincy to score just enough points behind T.J. Who’s Your Daddy to cover the spread.
PICK: Cincy, but it won’t be easy.
'San Francisico 3 Arizona ' To properly breakdown the 10PM game between America’s sleeper teams, the 49ers and the Cards, it only seems fitting we should pay tribute to the show that is #1 in this time slot and in our hearts, “The Hills.”
The Cardinals are a lot like the Audrina; from the outside they both have tons of talent, have shown glimpses of greatness, and are without a doubt dead-sexy. But when you take a closer look, you realize that their beauty is only skin deep. The Cardinals can’t stop the run, they can’t stop the pass, hell they can’t even stop the special teams. See their 4th quarter collapse last season against the offensive handicapped Bears on Monday Night Football.
The 49ers lack the hot Hollywood quarterback and stud wide receivers. However, while they may not appear “sexy, ” they are a solid overall team that certainly has what it takes to win. These Niners are similar to everyone’s favorite one-time model, Whitney. Even though there is no recent history of winning, the 49ers and Whitney have shown signs of improvement. Whitney struggled with the pressure of the camera in the first season but is now getting more comfortable being a star on the show. Same with the 49ers who played very well down the stretch, falling only a game or two short of the playoffs.
If you are picking between Audrina and Whitney, your first reaction may be to go with the sexier pick (Audrina). When you think about it longer, you realize there is no way in hell you could spend more than an hour with that girl. On the other hand, Whitney is not only brining it on the hot scale, but she can carry her own on substance scale as well. For that same reason, the pick is the 49ers, as substance will prevail.
PICK: Take the Niners, who have the better running game and defense, and take the over. (For the record, in case you were wondering, LC is the Patriots. She has all the weapons, the intangibles, and is a proven winner.)
FYI- So as not to miss just a great show like “The Hills,” do yourself a favor and TiVo/DVR-it. Then, do something manly when you watch it, ie. change your oil, take out the garbage or eat pounds of raw meat to try and salvage what’s left of your manhood.
--Fatty at FleaFanatics
