MBP: Most Band-Wagoning Player
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by user Fullcourt
While most of everyone have already laid their heads down in dismay, no matter how expected the outcome could have been, the San Antonio Spurs franchise as well as their fans from Texas and around the world raise their heads up in proud victory. Of all of the celebrating junkies in the middle of the court, one man in particular stood out from the rest. No, it wasn't Finals MVP Tony Parker; it was obvious he would get it anyway, the French cookie is unstoppable. It was none other than Robert "Big Shot Rob" Horry. While I, along with the rest of the world, have marveled at and accepted the immortal role of Robert Horry as one of the greatest clutch shooters in the history of the NBA as he gracefully drains wide-open 3-pointers at the final seconds of a playoff game like no one else in the world can do it, Robert Horry has now realized a new title to add to his ever-growing basketball resume.
Full Court would like to award Robert Horry, other than the fact that he looks like a less-suave Will Smith, for his ever-great decision-making and intuition as he has proven time and time again that it isn't all a battle of will, nor a battle of skill, nor a battle of heart, but can sometimes be a battle of the minds; and he has dominated ultimately in that aspect more than any other player has in NBA history. Robert Horry has led as an example to the band-wagoning class which is highlighted by some marquee names such as Gary Payton, Jim Jackson, and Antoine Walker to name a few. Please give it up for Robert Horry, the league's Most Band-wagoning Player! Applause.
It is such a huge shame that Robert Horry will go down in the history books as the player with the most championships than anyone non-Celtic. One of the greatest travesties in this scenario is that Robert Horry will have more championships than one of the greatest, if not the greatest, basketball players to have ever played the game in Michael Jordan. Throw Scottie Pippen, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Magic Johnson, James Worthy, or even the Celtic Larry Bird into the mix, and Robert Horry can claim that he has out-ringed all these great players. Robert Horry is the worst player ever to be named into the category of 'Most Championships Won', as he isn't even a tenth of the skill, talent, or will of any of the preceding players mentioned above. It is ridiculous. That is why Full Court has decided to award Robert Horry with the MBP, in recognition that no other player in the next century will be able to even closely mimic what Horry has achieved. Robert Horry jumps from team to team and analyzes his prospects very well. If he doesn't see a championship in the team's future within the next 3 years, he will throw a towel in the face of his coach, get himself suspended, and be traded to another team more to his liking. It was evident that Horry felt the foreboding of a Laker-team-meltdown, so he swam in the free agent pool and found himself in the hands of the San Antonio Spurs. What a genius. Robert Horry now has 7 championship rings, one more than Michael Jordan. He acquired 2 with the Rockets, 3 with the Lakers, and 2 with the Spurs. If Robert Horry decided to build a career out of gambling, he would be a filthy billionaire by four years from starting date. Once again, a huge congratulations to the worst, but smartest, player to ever enter the history books of the elite. It wouldn't be a surprise to see him surpass Bill Russell's championship count within the next 8 years.
Over-all, this is just the epitome of stupidity; but we have to accept what has just transpired and hope for someone more deserving and acceptable in the future to overtake Robert Horry in the championship-count to overshadow one of the greatest stains in the history books of the league. Robert Horry, kiss my ass!
