Ask Mister Romo

What makes you think we want to ask you anything?

Why are fans collectively of the Mets, Jets and Devils complete jerkoffs?

What the hell is the purpose of this segment?

What makes you think we couldn't find the answers to our own questions? You've heard of Google, right?

Guys, this isn't suppose to be for trivial purposes. It's suppose to be dumb and pointless, much like me

1. Why are New England Patriot fans so damn oversensitive?

2. Why does Barry Bonds warrant any form of sympathy?

3. Why does Kenrick write so damn similar to Leslie Monteiro?

4. Why do posters here at ArmchairGM seem to hate Curt Schilling (who won a World Series) more than Roger Clemens (who did nothing redeeming at all this season)?

5. Why did Tony Romo deny "spending quality time" with Britney Spears?

6. Why did God see to it that we endure Jay Mariotti here in Chicago?

7. Why do so many ArmchairGM members vote for "articles" that contain one sentence or link to the AP/another blog?

TB gets it

Are SSReporters article any good?

Why is Rex Grossman still in Chicago?

8. Why are there so many lawyers here at ArmchairGM that cheer for the New York Mets?

What happened to Shaun Alexander?

9. Why does False Prophet live in Minnesota but cheer for the New England Patriots?

10. Why does Manny Stiles write here at ArmchairGM instead of Sports Illustrated?

Crap guys, you must want me to put out a first edition tonight

11. Why did <pc font> </pc font> draw such hatred here at the 'Chair?

12. Why did Oh No Romo open this can of worms?

13. Why is Tyrone Briggs such an annoying idiot that overdoes everything?

Mr. Romo. Why are you pointless and absurd? And Why do I love you so much...uuuhhh...did I say love? I mean...uh...

Mr. Romo, why are good looking ladies always so attracted to me?

14. Why did James Van der Beek's character turn down a whip creamed Ali Larter?

15. Why is Hoosiers so damn inspiring when it is a story about a bunch of Indiana white hicks winning at basketball in the 1950s?

16. Why does Bill Parcells resemble a tree gaining an extra ring on its trunk every frickin' football season?

17. Why does ESPN punish its football viewers with Tony Kornhole?

18. Why does everyone pretend to hate fighting in the NHL?

Mr. Romo, what makes my gorilla avatar so intimidating, yet so loveable and hilarious?

19. Why is Tyrone Briggs asking so many questions?

19. Why doesn't women's tennis call "a spade a spade" (btw - somebody among us hates that phrase) and play nude on pay per view?

20. Why didn't Terrell Owens really swallow those pills?

21. Why did a douche like Mark Cuban make billions of the Internet?

22. Why do so many embrace "the golden age of baseball" during an era of segregation?

23. Why did lawyers and sports agents have to destroy sports?

How many more do you have TB?

24. Why did any sports marketing rep think it was a good idea to play "Who Let the Dogs Out?" during games?

You do realize that I can only answer 10 questions per column?

Why do people like sabermetrics?

Why do sabermatricians constantly try and jam useless info on us?

Why is there a professional hockey team in Phoenix?

Why does anyone give a crap where Alex Rodriguez ends up?

Why does False Prophet get a boner whenever he hears the name "Tom Brady?"

Why does Tom Brady get a boner every time he hears the name Peyton Manning?

Kels, in regard to the boner questions, there comes a time in every person's life when they start to grow up, so to say. They become taller, they're voice becomes deeper and they start growing fur where they didn't think was possible. What I'm trying to say is, Tom Brady is dating a goat

25. Why do anonymous posters always comment in ALL CAPS?

26. Why don't any of the USC cheerleaders live in my 'hood?

27. Why is hunting considered a sport?

28. Why isn't Allison Stokke legal age yet?

29. Why is Gene Upshaw still in charge of the NFLPA?

30. Why does John Madden's head enlarge every week?

Why do the 30 major league owners and gm's listen to anything Scott Boras says?

She's legal as far as I'm concerned, not like I'm going to tell anyone.

31. Why does John Kruk look like the retarded hillbilly half-brother of Mike Golic?

I got this one, Romo. Because he is.

32. Why does Julio Franco remember what he was doing during the exact moment of the Abe Lincoln's assassination?

33. Why does anyone really care if Amanda Beard was a good swimmer or not?

34. Why does Bobby Valentine annoy me even though he manages in Japan?

35. Why did the NFL Network pick Bryant Gumbel to be its broadcaster?

36. Why does Terry Bradshaw forget to change his Depends before the half-time show?

37. Why is Brett Favre, Brett Favre?

38. Why did an eyeball have to pop out of some poor bastard's eye socket in Any Given Sunday?

39. Why would anyone cast Adam Sandler as a quarterback?

40. Why is it so damn hard not to cry during "Brian's Song"?

41. Why did Lou Gehrig have to get Lou Gehrig's Disease?

Tyrone... just write all these in an article... its not as many points, but its got to be easier...

42. Why is women's beach volleyball not shown during prime time on a major network?

43. Why do some people choose to waste 3 hours watching cars make left hand turns?

44. Why does the NBA toy with playing with the hip hop market/generation but not play any of its music during games?

45. Why does David Stern choose to remind everyone of the high school vice principal who everybody hated?

46. Why does Belichick act like a complete dick when shaking the opposing coach's hand after a game?

47. Why did the NFL stick a 100 foot balloon of Jason Taylor in London, England?

48. Why do soccer players piss on the field?

49. Why does the NFL hire lame acts for its Super Bowl Half-Time Show?

50. Why is the most recognizable trophy of all North American team sports belong to the least popular league?

51. Why would any sane NFL player appear on the cover of Madden Football?

52. Why does FOX persist with the robots?

53. Why are we tortured by that John Mellencamp song every friggin' football game?

54. Why bother having a Pro Bowl game?

55. Why are ballplayers tested for steroids but broadcasters are not screened for using meth?

56. Why is Kyle Orton's beard so damn ugly?

57. Why does boxing permit a murderous thug promoter to ruin its sport?

58. Why did Harold Reynolds lose his job and Sean Salisbury did not?

59. Why didn't Andy Reid introduce his sons to Hugh Douglas?

60. Why did we lose Reggie White so soon?

61. Why won't the NFL allow monikers such as "He Hate Me" on the backs of jerseys ordered and paid by fans?

62. Why are Europeans fascinated with David Beckham?

Why can't the red sox kepp a shortstop for a decent amount of time longer than 2 seasons

If you're travelling at the speed of light and turn a flashl.ight on, does anything happen if you aim it forward? Can light travel faster than the speed of light?

If you're is a hot tub with two smoking hot babes and one fugly girl, and they tell you it's all 3 or none, do you nail the two hot ones first and and try to leave or hit all three then start over again?

Am I the tallest heterosexual male over 30 to enjoy Gilmore Girls?

If you were held at gunpoint to orally pleasure a warthog, would you it be inappropriate to somewhat enjoy it?

How many times have you farted in a bubblebath and smelt the popped bubbles this month? Be honest.

Define the quadratic formula.

Why are there three colors that are unrhymable words? Purple, Orange, Silver

What is the stupidest question you've ever been asked?

If you had a decision between listening to Bryant Gumbel, and watching a senior citizen sex tape, which would you choose?

How long will it take us to discover the cure to cancer and the end of our dependence in oil is in water?

Do you feel like an idiot now that you have to answer over 140 questions?

What's the proper order of release if you have explosive diarrhea and compulsive vomiting at the exact same moment?

What will happen first, the Apocolypse, or the Devil Rays in the World Series?

Why can't I find Zaxxon for Playstation?

Boxers or briefs?

Oh No Romo wasn't built overnight was it?

There's 8 ways to first but how many to last?

What if you only gave 109%, just once?

Do you enjoy brushing your teeth and drinking orange juice at the same time like me?

If you eat enough lead, will it make you a Red Sox fan?

Does the 6 billion other people of the world wonder why the Yankees don't wear blue jeans?

If you had to eat a sports mascot, which would be the tastiest?

How does ESPN not have it's own sports drink line already? Everyone already gulps down their Kool-Aid. I'm looking at you, SSR...

Your name backwards is Omor On Ho. WTF?

What tastes better... Drinking a decent beer, pissing it back into the bottle and drinking it again or Coors Light? Forget it. I already know the warm, frothy answer...

What tastes better? A dog that has the runs, eats it and pukes it back up or a Budweiser? I think I know the answer...

What is more painful?

Welding your tongue to a Pinto, or

Listening to Tim McCarver laugh at his own humor?

Why hasn't anyone sampled the Star Spangled Banner for a club hit? and Why doesn't anyone EVER sing the other verses?

Which athlete's likeness would sell the most if dildos were made in their likeness?

Ever tried Garlic Ice Cream?

What's the point of arresting old people?

Ever checked out ArmhairGM.com? It's pretty gross... but not as bad as PalmhairGM.com

Why doesn't Marion Butts get any love when it comes to funny name discussions?

Oh No Romo.......do you like gladiator movies?

How come you can enter the military at 18 and die for your country in a foreign country, but you have to be 21 to walk into a 7-11 and buy a sixer?

How come a US citizen has to mortgage his entire life to buy a business, but Ahab the Arab can come over here and buy a 7-11 with nothing but lint in his pockets?

What place is better off, Philadelphia because Manny left, or Phoenix because he's here?

How come Phoenix is the fifth largest city in the country and there's no goddamn good food here?

Why is Subway selling pizza all of a sudden?

Why do people put those "baby on board" signs in their cars?

Have you ever killed a homeless person with an icicle only to have it melt and leave the investigators with no murder weapon and no suspect?

ONR.....is Canada really our 51st state?

If you had to slam your nuts in something, would you rather it be:

1) a car door or

2) under David Wells' cleats

If he had the choice to do it all over again, would A.C. Green have waited until he was 36 to lose his virginity?

Isn't a mailbag just a lame way to generate (steal) ideas to write an article?

If Massachusetts was on fire, and you could only save one would you save the Red Sox or Patriots?

If you had the choice of slamming something in a car door, would it be

1) your nuts

2) David Wells

Why does Internet Explorer take 7 editions for tabbed browsing, while it took Firefox one?

If you could jump out of a plane without a parachute and not only live, but have no ill after affects, would you try it?

If you had one bullet left in an AK-47, and you have Tim McCarver, Joe Buck, and Joe Theismann in the same room, who do you shoot?

If I had the choice to do it over again, would I pay more attention in

1) Reading Comprehension

2) The life cycle of the dung beetle

If you can't answer all of these, can we blame you?

if your hands were made of hot dogs, would you eat them?

Will you plead for mercy when the Bears get ripped by 4 more teams?

I've got to start another thread, my computer is almost halting to a dead stop.

New thread. [1]

Would you sell a kidney?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of Trent Green's head?

In gender reassignment surgery, what really is the "Point of No Return?"

What's your pet's first name and the street you grew up on? It's your new porn name. I'm Charlie Bridge, nice to meet you!

If you could wish for three things how could "more wishes" NOT be one of them?

If you had to be raped, would you choose a Yetti, a yak or Mike Tyson?

If you could change one play in the history of sports, what would your log-in be?

How many times have you dressed as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader? Ok then, just this season...

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?