Let Me Introduce Myself: Sergeant Armchair

by Sergeant Armchair

Look everyone I know all the bullshit rules that exist here at armchair. Don't even think about it. Let me introduce myself: I am Sergeant Armchair soon to be King Bullshit. I eat, breath, sleep sports. I don't screw around and don't screw around with me.

I am a combination of these two men.

I have seen these movies 500 times

My favorite sports are football. Football. That's it. No wussy baseball. No girlie basketball. No figureskating hockey. Football.

You should all be proud to have my aboard.

You will see me around.

I don't care if you are my friends and I don't care if you are my enemy. War is war.

JoshkrossDraft Pick

877 days ago

Score 1

What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Welcome aboard.

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 2

Josh I respect you. Anyone who has the balls to call me "numbnuts" is a friend of mine. However, and you listen good and hard: If you ever, and I mean ever, disrespect me I will find you. And when I find you......."I'm gonna kick you in the nuts!"

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JuTMSY4Legend

877 days ago

Score 1

Is that 1 or 2 SP references...i can't decide

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JuTMSY4Legend

877 days ago

Score 5

Jamel...you know, you don't need to make a new account to do this...you can just use jamel... Also...when are you having a funeral for your other...alter-egos?

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 1

Jamel who? That black guy. He annoyed me. He was some sort of joker. I told him he could go and have sex with my daughter. He did.

So I punched him in the stomach.

And to all you other jokers. You little scumbags. I got your names, I got your asses! You will not laugh, you will not cry, you will learn by the numbers, I will teach you! Now get up off your face! Pvt. Jokers you better unbullshit yourself before I unscrew your head and shit down your neck!

Ju man you better watch yourself!

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JuTMSY4Legend

877 days ago

Score 3

and yet...he gave me a plus for that comment... I like Sergeant armchair more and more by the minute...

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Clayton St. John Smythe Esq.Varsity

877 days ago

Score 2

I want my mommy.

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 1

You want your mommy. Well then why don't I just turn over and wake her up for you Private Dunghole

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Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer

877 days ago

Score 3

"I am a combination of these two men." Uhh yeah sure. I think the correct verbage should be "a result of these two men procreating". Whatever.

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 5

I don't respond to your kind. You shut your pie hole. I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would _uck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you. Can't trust your kind.

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JuTMSY4Legend

877 days ago

Score 2

That's the best line in the whole movie btw...

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Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer

877 days ago

Score 2

Actually, that "kind of guy" is more likely to be Jay Mariotti. If that is "your bag" than I suggest visiting the Chicago Sun-Times. Oh and one more thing "Serge", GOOD BYE.

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 3

Tyrone you are now referred to as Private Pyle. So now Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-ucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-uck you!

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JoshkrossDraft Pick

877 days ago

Score 4

No. The best line of the movie is: "If I'm gonna die for a word, then my word is Poontang."

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JuTMSY4Legend

877 days ago

Score 4

always gotta 1-up me...

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 2

Private Pyle are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy ucking walrus-looking piece of shit. Get the uck off of my blog. Get the uck down off of my blog. Now. Move it. I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 3

This is the only man I respect. Only problem is who he coached for. God damn cheeseheads. Jesus H Christ I'm lactose intolerant.

And when you are talking to me you finish your sentence with "Sir Yes Sir"

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Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer

877 days ago

Score 4

Pick a line, any line. Or just go ahead and watch the movie. Dumb. http://www.i...93058/quotes

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 2

You know what bothers me? A god damn funny man dressed in green. Jesus H Christ what the hell is this?

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score -1

How tall are you, Private Pyle?

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EkomVarsity

877 days ago

Score 3

I love the smell of napalm in the morning as much as anyone, but when I smell this? It's not victory. It's the smell of no sports content.

Wanna make war, Sarge? Make war on the lack of sports content around here...Otherwise, we can promote you to General Nuisance.

It makes me want to cry what you knucklehumpers have done to my beloved 'Chair!!

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Tyrone BriggsHall of Famer

877 days ago

Score 2

Good morning Ekom. How was your vacation?

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score -1

Who said that? Who the uck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy ucking godmother said it. Out-ucking-standing. I will PT you all until you ucking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk. What is your major malfunction Ekom? That's why this is under lockerroom. How retarded are you boy?? Who made you the god damn King?

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StumptownJV Squad

877 days ago

Score 2

I'm proud to have your aboard. Now if we can just figure out what to do with it.

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Sergeant ArmchairWaterboy

877 days ago

Score 1

Well what do we have here? Private minus! Well I'll be we have a minus girl here who minuses people! Out freakin standing! Now get up that wall!

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