LaBeouf of the Week 7
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Thanks to the Shimmering T, after last week’s “column” was published, we (not the royal we, but my editor and I) noticed that LaBeouf was spelled with an e, in the old French style. Nevertheless, when my column is based upon mocking a famous actor’s name, I probably should double check the spelling. I apologize to all of my loyal readers out there, for I had some rotten sushi Monday night and Shia LaBeouf’d all over the Golden Boy’s brand new white linen couch, and he was a step too slow in breaking out the hose and rubber sheets. As a younger man, he would have caught it. However, it seems father time is catching up with the Golden one.
On a happier note, for me anyway, it seems that I nailed my LaBeouf prediction. The Baltimore D decide to stop for some extra spicy buffalo wings Saturday night, which led to a rectum tingling Shia LaBeouf orchestra directed by Mr. Billick on Sunday morning. Some of you might question this call, as the Baltimore D held Buffalo to 4 field goals, 3 of which were 35 yards or less, but they only had 1 int and 2 sacks against a rookie QB in his 4 th game EVER. This was a top 5 defense coming into the season. They should eat rookie QB’s alive, drop trough on the 50 and wave around their greatness. Instead, Edwards did just enough not to lose the game for Buffalo by limiting his mistakes, giving Marshawn Lynch a healthy dose of carries and involving Lee Evans for the first time all year (much to my chagrin, as I recently traded him to the Fleafounder). The Ravens fans could not even blame Kyle Boller for the loss, as he played mistake free football. Plain and simple, the vaunted Ravens’ D was reduced to a shell of its former self by consuming too much bleu cheese, which they immediately sprayed all over some unsuspecting Buffalo area hotel room on Sunday. Paging housekeeping…please report to the Billick suite.
This week, it is only fitting that a team offense shares the LaBeouf award with Baltimore’s diarrhea defense. This week’s offensive LaBeouf winner, and by offensive, I mean foul smelling, loose, Panda Express Shia, goes to the St. Louis Rams’ offense. Coming into this year, Steven Jackson was a top 5 fantasy running back, Marc Bulger was a top 5 fantasy QB, and Torry Holt was a top 5 fantasy WR. It now appears as though Orlando Pace should have been the MVP because this offense is awful without him. Holt, Bulger and Jackson have killed more fantasy teams than the Golden Boy (side note, Golden Boy has a habit of drafting guys only to see them go down with career ending/threatening/debilitating injuries. He is a fantasy black widow. We are 1 season away from the San Diego Chargers paying him NOT to draft LaDainian). Jackson is hurt and should be back this week, so he is excused for now, but Bulger is just getting killed out there. 3 picks and 7 sacks later, it is a wonder he doesn’t have more than 2 broken ribs. This kind of production is KILLING Torry Holt, who is becoming a bye week replacement, at best. His 3 TD’s and 466 yards are a far cry from the 1200 yards 10 TD’s of a year ago. It is to the point where you almost feel bad for these guys and want to tell them to lay off the dairy and heavy creams and stick to veggies and some grilled chicken.
An honorable mention Shia LaBeouf award goes to the Fleafounder, who created our favorite fantasy football website, www.fleaflicker.com. While he may be great at slinging Java, everyone knows what a late night cup of Joe does besides keep you up at night. Starting Edge over Kevin Jones, when Jones is going against a terrible Tampa Bay rush D (21 st in the league), cost you the win, your keeper season, and your sanity…on your birthday. Well, from all of us at flea fanatics, here is a free birthday wipe on us to help clean up your Shia LaBeouf.
For this upcoming week, I am going to say steer clear of Brett Favre’s Denver hotel on Sunday afternoon, as he is going to drop the first Mile High Shia LaBeouf after a bad night of Rocky Mountain Oysters and Frost Brewed cold Coors light. The Denver area is going to tap the Rockies not once but twice next week, once on Brett Favre, and once to celebrate their first World Series. Go Rockies!!!!
- Yammy at www.fleafanatics.com
