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J.D.'s Deal With Sox Finalized; Drew Now Free To Miss 70 Games

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The Boston Red Sox and über-agent Scott Boras finally resolved the language in J.D. Drew's five-year, $70 million contract on Friday, meaning that the right fielder is now officially a member of the team. Although the parties had initially agreed to the deal seven weeks ago, the Red Sox wanted some form of insurance written into the contract in the event that Drew reinjures his surgically repaired right shoulder. According to reports, Drew’s contract now contains language similar to that in Magglio Ordonez’s 2005 deal with Detroit -- under which the team can opt out of guaranteed money in the event that a specified pre-existing injury recurs.

"I'm just glad that we could finally come to terms on a deal," Drew told the Boston Globe Friday. "I really just couldn't wait to be a member of this organization. And to get my hands on my $70 million."

The Red Sox took a calculated risk in signing Drew this offseason, as he has a surgically repaired shoulder to go along with a medical history that makes Cliff Floyd look like Lou Gehrig. However, Boston was desperate for offense and made the move anyway, risking a potential tampering charge from the L.A. Dodgers in the process.

“It was a fair contract that I got. Theo really did the right thing,” Drew said. “When you want a player, you’ve got to go out there and get him. That $70 million really showed me that I was wanted. A lot of other clubs would have been frightened away by my reconstructed shoulder, but not these guys. Now all I have to do is make sure that my next 100-day stint on the DL is because of something other than the shoulder. Like, you know, a hamstring, maybe."

To ensure that his client gets his guaranteed money, Boras also had the contract amended to include another clause: instead of having a second baseman on the field, the Red Sox will make Wily Mo Pena stand next to Drew in right field to handle all throwing duties. "Is it a strange maneuver? Yes. It's unconventional," Epstein conceded. "But that's just how important J.D. is to our long-term future plans. Besides, we figure we played all of last season with Mark "no-range" Loretta at second, so having a gaping chasm there will actually be an improvement."

When news of Drew's contract reached Dodgers beat writer Bill Plaschke, he naturally blamed Billy Beane, author of Moneyball. "This is completely the fault of those wacko Sabermetricians who loved Drew so much, with their pocket protectors and slide rules. Real baseball is played on real grass fields, and when it came to playing real baseball, this guy was a total slug. He had no heart, no grit, no mental toughness. He was always getting injured and never earning his salary. There's no room on the Dodgers for a player like that. I really hated J.D., and I have no problem saying that. I hope Paul DePodesta rots in hell for that contract. And another thing -- Aw, man! Chicago signed Darin Erstad! I was hoping he would sign with us! There's always room on the Dodgers for a player like that. He's a gamer, a punter for Chrissakes. Not like that pussy J.D. Drew, who has probably never kicked a football in his miserable excuse for a life."

But despite the criticism, Drew was optimistic about his future in Boston. "I'm very excited about 2007. And in closing, I would just like to thank the Lord Jesus Christ for guaranteed contracts," Drew said. "I am finally getting paid. I feel good about everything. But, don't you worry -- I'll get injured soon enough. Maybe something with my knee... sometime around May. Yeah, that sounds about right. Then the only thing I'll have to do with my surgically repaired shoulder is cash my checks. Of which there will be many."

Source

  • Boston Globe
Note: This article is satire and is not intended as actual news.
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Awrigh01All-Star
1038 days ago
Score 3+-
ha ha love the title of this article.
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JoebookRed-Shirting
1038 days ago
Score 0+-
Me too, but JD has played 145+ games two of the last three years, so I expect him to stay healthy and give Boston at least 140 games.
right...
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I am a cpcpMajor Leaguer
1038 days ago
Score 2+-
Funny stuff. One thing though, satire and humor should be filed under opinion to avoid confusion as to what's real.
Permalink | Reply
DNLLegend
1038 days ago
Score 1+-
Add a locker room post about it :)
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ChristofMVP
1038 days ago
Score 0+-
A sucker is born every second. Boston should have spent the money on resigning Trot Nixon. This deal will be to Boston what the Kevin Brown deal (instead of re-signing Petite) was for the Yanks.
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EnyboDiv-I Stud
1037 days ago
Score 1+-
You can't be serious? Nixon would give the Sox less production during the same amount of games.
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Anonymous Fanatic #1
1001 days ago
Score 0+-
As much as I loved Nixon and his dirt dog ways, he's no Andy Pettitte. It's more like the equivalent of re-signing Bernie Williams instead of Johnny Damon.
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KelsdadAll-Star
1037 days ago
Score -1+-
In LESS than five years, this will rank as arguably the worst free agent signing of all-time.
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Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1037 days ago
Score 1+-
Let's start a comparison scale! I submit for your approval:

Danny Tartabull, Philadelphia Phillies Outfielder - Least production category

Denny Neagle & Mike Hampton, Colorado Rockies Pitchers - WAY overpaid category

Mo Vaughn, New York Mets Salary eater - Best of both worlds category

Mark Davis, Kansas City Royals (ahem) Relief Pitcher - "Ha-Ha got you" category
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Davis21wylieMVP
1037 days ago
Score 2+-
How about the Indians' disastrous Wayne Garland signing? Or Derek Bell's 2001 Pirates deal? What about when my Red Sox inked washed-up Jack Clark and Matt "5.00 ERA" Young in the early 90s? How about Vince Coleman to the Mets? Darryl Strawberry to the Dodgers? Ed Whitson to the Yankees? Don Stanhouse to the Dodgers? Jaime Navarro to the White Sox? Adrian Beltre in Seattle, anyone? And under the category of "alienated everyone with their personality disorders", I also present Bobby Bonilla to the Mets, and Albert Belle in Baltimore. And who could forget Cristian Guzman's Nats deal? Eric Milton to the Reds? Jaret Wright for the Yankees? 'Zona and Russ Ortiz? J.D. Drew's going to have to be pretty bad/injured/malcontented to be the worst free agent signing of all-time...
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KelsdadAll-Star
1037 days ago
Score -1+-
Drew has quit on two teams, the Phillies and Dodgers. Who was it that said if he was ever a teammate he'd kick his bleep? Oh, yeah, it was Curt Schilling. If he doesnt play hurt or starts whining to the press, the Red Sox fans will kill him. Drew doesnt have the personality to handle that stuff, and he will have ZERO friends in the clubhouse. I'd bet right now he's gone before the start of the '09 season.
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