It’s All a Sack of Oranges and More

by user LastRow

Yes, it’s true…It’s really true! The turnstiles which leads poor saps up those seemingly endless amounts of steps to the LastRow is once again reopen for countless amounts of opinions! Happy New Year everybody…I’m back up top my perch! Got a brand new, high powered oxygen tank up here, so I’m ready to go! It turns out that oxygen tank just got up here in the nick of time too, thanks to my good ole fat friend jolly Saint Nick…For I had it working overtime (no pun intended) during the Boise State-Oklahoma Instant Classic. Speaking of which, how pissed do you think the clowns at ESPN/ABC are that that game was on FOX? Could that be why that duel in the desert hasn’t been dubbed an “Instant Classic”…Even though it was. What’s a matter Bristol peeps, don’t want to fork out the money to buy the rights?

Since I’m talking about money…That leads me to this. Being an annual re-newer of my Orange Bowl tickets for three years now, I had the dubious distinction or was it a great pleasure, (I’m still trying to figure that one out) of attending last night’s game. Not because I wanted to, it was because I didn’t feel like giving my tickets away for nothing. Louisville-Wake Forest, a hell of a potential Final Four matchup, but when delegated to the gridiron in Dolphins Stadium, well let’s just say $150.00 tickets were being given away for $25.00…No matter if it was in the stadium parking lot or on “The Online Marketplace” better known as Ebay. I’m no businessman, but I don’t need to get bitch slapped to figure out that’s not a seller’s market. This will come to everybody’s surprise, these tickets weren’t in the LastRow either! When they say “You can get it on Ebay”, I didn’t know they meant you can get raped too. Perhaps the University of Alabama should’ve put their football head coaching vacancy on there? Or do I mean the Miami Dolphins? Those are two cans of worms I’m not going to open at the present time! Although ‘Bama might’ve saved some money?

Ever go to a football game where you don’t give a rats ass about the two teams? A lot of shit goes through your head. One being….I HOPE I CAN HEAR TOMMOROW WHEN I WAKE UP, THANKS TO THE FLYOVER! Excuse me, WHAT…Did somebody say something? Although, I must say everybody should at least try it once in their life if they haven’t already. Go to a game where you don’t care who wins or loses and just people watch…Amazing it’s quite amusing to see actually how dumb we really are and the stupid shit that we all do during the course of a game when watching our favorite teams play.

Besides not being able to unload my tickets for fair market value, last night was an opportunity to take in a college football game…Which is in my opinion the greatest sport to watch! I’m sure people will argue that, but hey, I’d expect nothing less! Quite honestly I was hoping for another game just like the one that unfolded in the Fiesta Bowl the night before…Okay, so I might’ve been a little off my rocker (or in my case a wheelchair) to have optimism for another one of those, but every guy has his fantasy and damn it that was mine! Although in typical fashion, my fantasies are just that…Fantasies! There was no having to go for two on three occasions to get the stinking points. There was no interception return for a touchdown with a minute to go. Didn’t see a hook & lateral called on a 4th & 16 go for a touchdown in the waning seconds. No wide receiver threw a touchdown pass on 4th & goal in overtime. And the fake Statue of Liberty play to win the game…Yeah, that wasn’t FEDEX down to South Florida overnight! However, when Louisville scored on a halfback, throwback pass for a split second I began to wonder if I could see another marriage proposal taken place? Thanks Ian, now because of you every guy has to live up to your standards! Though seeing Muhammad Ali & Around Palmer in the same setting was definitely well worth it!

The fact that I’m even writing about Wake Forest, Louisville, Boise State in my Sports ScuttleButt in the football sense in early January should be considered a fantasy. The fact is, it’s reality! These teams, along with Rutgers, has once again defined college football this season! It doesn’t matter anymore…The parity is across the board from Columbus, OH to Boise ID!. From Ian Johnson leading the nation in rushing touchdowns, to Brian Brohm’s name being thrown around as potentially the number one pick in the draft this April, if he decides to come out (personally I can’t see that, but I’m no Mel Kiper), to Ray Rice’s name being mentioned for the Heisman up until the top three finalists were selected.

Having watched these and so many other feel good stories being written since early September, why is it we are always left feeling like a bitch on a one night stand in early January…Was it good for you? The fact is, no…It wasn’t good for me. It’s not good for none of us! Everybody’s bitching about playoffs and all that, we know that’s never going to happen anytime soon, so here’s an easy solution…A quick fix if you will. Ironically I’m using a BCS concept! You know how the BCS releases its first poll half way through the season…Hey, what’d know, why don’t the two other polls follow suit? All the preseason polls do is hurt college football, well that is besides not having a playoff system. Preseason polls are just purely cosmetic anyway! Honestly, do we like women who have to spend two hours in the bathroom putting on the face…There’s something to be said about natural beauty! Why doing this won’t cure all, it can’t hurt the situation!

So this is my wedding proposal…God, I hope she says yes! It sure feels good to be back up top my perch in the LastRow!

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