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Interview with Kerry Wood - an ArmchairGM.com EXCLUSIVE

9
Vote

by user Demonboy

I have done the impossible! I was able to get an EXCLUSIVE interview with none other than Chicago Cubs starting pitcher Kerry Wood!!

Demonboy Thank you Kerry for setting time aside for this.

Kerry Wood: Oh no problem man. Glad to be here.

DB: Kerry, I’ve watched you since you came into the majors. In the beginning, you were well on your way to have an amazing career. What happened?

KW: What do you mean?

DB: Well, these last few years have been…. well… very disappointing. It seems like you’re always on the DL.

KW: (snickers) Oh. That’s easy, abuse.

DB: Abuse?

KW: Yeah these mother (expletive) coaches think they know everything. But actually, they don’t know jack (expletive)! They feel that 120 pitches aren’t enough. We’re (Cubs) winning the game 7-3 in the 6th and I’ve already thrown 115 balls. Instead of taking me out of the (expletive) game, they leave my tired (expletive) ass in there and pitch into the 8th. Dusty Baker is a (expletive) moron! Rothschild is supposed to have my back. He’s our pitching coach. He’s supposed to look out for our best interest. Does he? No! He sits on his fat lazy (expletive) ass and doesn’t say a (expletive) thing!

DB: Kerry, relax! This is for a family sports site.

KW: Sorry. They (coaches) just piss me off. There’s good old Busty Faker, I mean Dusty Baker that puts in ‘his boys’ instead of the best possible team. We have a pitching coach that only played in 7 games in the MLB. He (Rothschild) spent the rest of his career in the minors. The (expletive) minors! You also have Jim Hendry. He’s got his head stuck up so far in Baker’s ass he can tell what Baker had the night before for dinner. Mark (Prior) feels the same way. All this is one of the main reasons why I chose to have the surgery. You can’t trade a player that’s on the DL and I don’t have to work with either of those (expletive).

DB: (jokingly) Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?

KW: (laughs) No, I think I’m good for now.

DB: This is the last year of your contract. Would you like to resign with the Cubs or do you want to test the free agency?

KW: It all depends.

DB: On what?

KW: I hate to beat a dead horse but it all depends if Baker is here or not. If he isn’t then yes I would like to stay here. I love this city and I love this team… well, most of them anyways.

DB: Most of them?

KW: I’m not going to go into specifics, but there are a couple in the clubhouse I can’t stand.

DB: Hypothetically, if Baker is still here where do you see yourself next year?

KW: My number one choice would be Detroit. I like what’s going on over there. They have a great team and a great manager. Outside of that, maybe Milwaukee or Houston just so I can come back here 9 times a year and shove my pitches down Baker’s throat.

DB: With your season ending surgery coming up, do you see yourself coming back next year and try to start again or possibly becoming a closer? When you did relieve, you were dominate.

KW: I would like start but we’ll see what happens. I wouldn’t mind relieving but if I have to, would like to close no doubt.

DB: Well I’m hearing that infamous click on the line like it’s time to wrap this up. I really do appreciate this.

KW: Yeah, I heard it too.

DB: It’s been a pleasure talking to you. Thank you.

KW: Same here. You’re welcome & take care.

DB: You too. (hangs up the phone).


Date

Sat 07/22/06, 7:53 am EST


Enable Comment Auto-Refresher
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1226 days ago
Score -1+-
+ right idea, nice try Demon-san, but you could have emphasized Kerry's Texas accent more. Give more background, take us 'there'. Show the rest of us how to pull off these 'exclusive interviews'. And I know I'm beating a dead horse, but there is no worse cliche than violence on corpse references. That being said, I will beat a dead horse - Why all this Cubs talk when we could be talking about actual BASEBALL?

Are you really 6'7"? We could be the starting front court of the Armchair Basketball team, unless you suck. Either way, I want to dunk on you sometime!

What is this "infamous click' on your phone? I didn't get the reference...not sure if I'm stupid or if you forgot to pay the bill?
Permalink | Reply
I am a cpcpMajor Leaguer
1226 days ago
Score -1+-
"Either way, I want to dunk on you sometime!" Umm..
Permalink
DemonboyDraft Pick
1226 days ago
Score 5+-
The infamous phone click is heard whenever a pro sports player or celebrity does a phone interview... thier publisict (sp) is on an extension line hearing the conversation... when they (publisict) wants to cut the interview short, they tap on the clicker on the phone (the smal toungue looking piece that the phone hangs up on) several times as a sign to wrap it up... it's heard a lot in phone intervies if you really pay attention during the end... BTW yes I am 6'7" but I have an artifical right knee & soon to have surgery on the other for the same... so sports playing is not gonna happen anytime soon :(
Permalink
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1226 days ago
Score -1+-
wasn't aware that's what happens. That's why I do all my 'interviews' in person...keep up the good writing; good luck with the knees!
Permalink
ChristofMVP
1226 days ago
Score -3+-
Is this fiction or non-fiction?
Permalink | Reply
DemonboyDraft Pick
1226 days ago
Score 2+-
Readers choice... if you believe it... then believe it... if you don't... well then.... don't :)
Permalink
DrpatriotAll-American
1226 days ago
Score 2+-
Congratulations! I didn't realize that Wood was so p*ssed at the Cubs high-ups. I hope to see more of these coming up!
Permalink | Reply
Jgov05All-American
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
How is this already in the good stuff with just 6 votes?
Permalink | Reply
DrpatriotAll-American
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
An admin probably noticed it was an interview and gave it a boost.
Permalink
Bball3345Draft Pick
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
Is this for real?
Permalink
Awrigh01All-Star
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
on the weekends there is a lower threshold to make it good stuff, because there is less traffic.
Permalink
Anonymous Fanatic #1
1226 days ago
Score 1+-
If this is a fake interview being portrayed as real, I would imagine it must be illegal. Ambiguity in posts like this takes away from the legitimacy of all wiki sites.
Permalink | Reply
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
The fake interview police will come and get you
Permalink | Reply
UfgatorsDiv-I Stud
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
I nominate this for a weekly column
Permalink | Reply
Bball3345Draft Pick
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
If it is actually a real interview, then I agree with you.
Permalink
Bball3345Draft Pick
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
Or if it is fake, at least say so somewhere.
Permalink
Jgov05All-American
1226 days ago
Score 0+-
Obviously it's a fake...do you really think Kerry Wood would cuss out his team?
Permalink | Reply
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1226 days ago
Score -1+-
I wish I would have thought of something this clever...
Permalink | Reply
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
1226 days ago
Score -1+-
http://www.a...-_King_Kelly
Permalink
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This page was last modified 15:33, 22 July 2006. Content is available under the GFDL.

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