International Week Rant
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by Tyduffy
Like a stale, acidic, broccoli-inspired fart, the international week has once again torn through the carefully constructed fabric of our fabulous football season.
Latent for a few precious weeks at a time, our lives our once again again forcefully foisted into the mellifluous McClaren melodrama.
Here are a few of the trite and tired plot-lines that will plague us for the next nine days until proper football resumes.
One lifeless libretto is the Paul Robinson saga. Will he or won't he be the England keeper? Yes, he has played putridly in goal for Tottenham. He has the confidence and aplomb of a pubescent and pizza-faced young lad attempting to woo the eighth grade hottie. His bulbous beer-filled body has the consistency of a leaky waterbed. However, how much has this really affected England performance?
Spurs' back line gets penetrated more often than the Kardashian sisters (ba boom tish). England, even with Terry, Rio, and Ashley Cole is generally tight at the back. They have allowed one goal in their last five competitive matches They are playing Estonia and Russia, not Brazil and Argentina. Robinson probably won't play well, but it's also unlikely he is going to face a serious challenge. He isn't the ideal keeper, but it's highly unlikely that this will have no impact whatsoever on the result.
Another insipid storyline is John Terry's epic struggle to get back from injury. The "Willis Reed" moment loses its inspirational effect when it happens every other week. There have been good, bad, and downright ugly performances for England since John Terry took over the captaincy, and he has been there for all of them. His vapid maxims about standing up and being counted have consistently failed to rouse the troops. Would England really be that worse off with Sol Campbell, Johnny Woodgate, or (gasp!) Micah Richards actually playing the position he plays for his club?
Like oil and water, a small intestine and Indian food, and George Bush and black people, Lampard and Gerrard cannot play together. It's been prominently displayed each time they have played together. Everyone realizes it except Second Choice Steve. However, it has been written about ad nauseam. Enough already.
The bottom line is that England are playing Estonia and Russia. Barring them laying an absolute stink-bomb against the 127th ranked side in the world (behind such powerhouses as New Caledonia, Soloman Islands, Fiji, and Barbados) they will have a 5pt lead going into the Russia match, leaving all of the pressure on the Russkies.
England are well on their way to qualifying for Euro 2008. We will all get the pleasure of watching them puff out their chests like proud peacocks and talk themselves and the press, (optimistic now that their summer jaunt to Austria and Switzerland is assured) into believing they can win, before going out in the quarterfinals on penalties.
