Incredibly Novel Concepts, Vol. II
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by user J Cunningham
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Cowboys and Redskins, Yankees and Red Sox...the time has come once again for everyone's favorite complete waste of time and brain cells. Say it with me now: time for more...
Incredibly Novel Concepts!!!
INC #1: I don't know about most other baseball fans, but if the manager of my favorite team has taken me to 11 straight playoff berths, winning four World Series titles in the process, I'd be begging my owner to be sane enough to keep him around at least through the end of his contract.
Hell, I'd be negotiating an extension.
I realize Joe Torre wasn't actually fired by New York Yankees nutjob owner George Steinbrenner, but the fact that we were even discussing it is ludicrous and stupid beyond reason. So Torre hasn't won a World Series in six years--big freaking deal!
The Orioles have had nine straight losing seasons. Off the top of my head, I can think of the Mariners, Padres and Expos/Nationals as teams who have never won a World Series. The Detroit Tigers, who eliminated the Yankees, haven't won a ring since 1984.
Six years without a ring is nothing.
I have an idea, George: if you want to win another World Series, try looking for starting pitchers who aren't nearly as old as your pitching coach.
INC #2: What is Indiana Pacers coach Rick Carlisle thinking letting his players go to strip clubs at 3:00 in the morning during training camp? I realize these are grown men--though in the case of Stephen Jackson, I use that term very loosely--and a coach can never keep control of them 24-7, but is it too much to ask to establish a curfew of some sort during training camp?
Seems to work just fine in the NFL. You can relieve the curfew if you want once the season starts, but I think having one during camp would be beneficial to everyone.
And it would really go well with that new image your team's trying to put out there. I'm sure those strippers think very highly of the Pacers after your rigorous marketing campaign.
INC #3: Memo to Joe Theismann: pick an opinion and stick with it.
During Monday night's ESPN telecast of the Baltimore Ravens-Denver Broncos game, Theismann commented repeatedly on the wet conditions and how they might and might not affect a quarterback's play.
I said might and might not because it seemed Theismann couldn't make up his mind. In the first half, he said he didn't believe wet conditions affected how a quarterback threw the football. Later, after Steve McNair threw one of his three interceptions, Theismann turned right around and said he thought the rain was affecting how McNair was throwing.
So...which is it? I'd like to think a Super Bowl-winning quarterback would be smarter than this. You sure L.T. didn't take your brain too when he broke your leg?
INC #4: I hear everyone rant and rave about how great the San Diego Chargers powder blue uniforms are, but I just don't see it. Is it a nostalgia thing that makes them look so good? They don't look terrible by any means (nothing's worse than those old Padres and Astros unis), but they're not the end-all, be-all of uniforms like everyone would have you believe.
I'm all for throwback jerseys--mainly for potential historical significance (I'm particularly fond of the Negro League throwbacks you see in the majors). But aesthetically? Please!
I have a hard time taking a quarterback seriously when he looks like a giant, padded Smurf.
INC #5: Whose bright idea was it for Game 1 on the NLCS and Game 2 of the ALCS to occur at the same time? I realize one game will be on FOX and the other will mosey on over to FX, but who's the genius who thought this up? Wouldn't it make more sense for the network and for Major League Baseball if one game was played before the other?
You know, a doubleheader-type thing? It worked really well during the division series; why not try to maximize your audience?
I probably speak for a lot of baseball fans when I say I would like to watch both games, but having them on simultaneously takes away from that. If FOX would just institute a doubleheader--one game at 5:00, the other at 8:00--that would work so much better.
But this is the same company that employs Bill O'Reilly, so I guess I shouldn't expect too much.
