If You Ran SportsCenter
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by Rawbeezeitz
So, it’s pretty clear that a lot of people on AGM don’t like ESPN. I’m one of these people. The show on ESPN I dislike the most? SportsCenter. What was once a good collection of highlights and stats has been dumbed down. The Ultimate Highlight (a montage of individual athletes making individual plays set to music that some label paid ESPN to play), Who’s Now? (Filler time for the dog days of summer when tennis and the X-Games serve as the only non-baseball alternative for sports fans) and all the other little segments SportsCenter spews usually inspire me to take a 5 minute walk around my house.
But I’m not writing to complain about ESPN’s flagship show. I’m writing to say what I would do if I were the producer of SportsCenter, or some other sports recap show. And I ask you, the friendly AGM writer/reader to contribute what you would do if you ran your own sports highlight show.
1. These are the following sports which would be allowed to have highlights shown regularly: Baseball, football, basketball, hockey, Olympic sports (REAL Olympic sports, not ball dancing), auto racing, soccer, track & field, boxing, and major sporting events.
2. Highlights will not just be the amazing and spectacular plays (the big catches, big hits, impressive returns, slam dunks, etc.), but will actually try to show WHY the winning team/person won. Don’t just show Peyton Manning throwing the game winning TD, show the other team failing to convert a 3 rd down that set-up the play.
3. The show will be shortened to 45 minutes, except on the weekends. Instead of trying to fill an hour (which is about 45 minutes of programming, 15 minutes of commercials), the show can be fast-paced highlights. Shorter length, the less likely people will change the channel. Also, who the hell has a complete hour in the morning to watch TV if they have a job to get to?
4. The bottom line needs to move through scores more quickly. I honestly don’t care about who hit a homerun, and who got the win-loss-save in the Cincinnati-Washington game.
5. Sky Sports News should be the basis of the show. You get two bottom lines (one for scores, one for sports stories), and the right half of the screen has standings and statistics for different sports. Also, very little filler, unless it’s a slow sports day.
6. No heart warming stories. Ever. Call me cynical, but I don’t care.
7. Show highlights from international sports like rugby when there’s a big game. Fans of the sport in America will appreciate it, and some other people might say “Hey, that sport looks pretty cool.” And from a business perspective, you want to make as many sports popular as possible, so you can monopolize the broadcasting rights.
8. Broadcast the show based on region. When taping the show, chop it up into programming blocks that are interchangeable and movable. So in southern California, you can show the Dodgers and USC highlights first. In Minnesota you can show the Vikings and Wild, and so on. As a Red Sox fan, I’m used to seeing the Sox being one of the first highlights shown, but it must suck if you don’t care about the Sox.
9. Have anchors that are humorous, not funny. Humor is finding something comical in a highlight. Funny is trying to be a stand up comedian and belting out catchphrases and hackneyed jokes.
10. Sean Salisbury is banned for life
11. If someone is actually an expert on something, I want to hear their analysis and opinions for longer than 40 seconds. If they’re not an expert, or if they’re a moron, 40 seconds is too long. So we have to try to find some smart and original sports experts to talk for a few minutes, and weed out the morons. Joe Morgan isn’t an expert on anything.
12. Arguing about sports is great, but it shouldn’t be organized into a “Coors Light Six Pack.” If you get two smart people who know their shit, and give them a topic they disagree on, it can be really fun to watch. But such a debate belongs on a different show. We don’t have time on this show, and any good debate shouldn’t be controlled by a clock (ahem, PTI, I’m talking to you)
13. No remote broadcasts. It doesn’t enhance my sports watching experience if SportsCenter is broadcasting from the Rose Bowl. It’s an unnecessary distraction, and it’s pointless.
