If I Were The Commissioner of Major League Baseball...
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by user Sigglecow
I recently read a couple articles involving rule issues with Major League Baseball. Much like the people who wrote those articles, I started thinking. What if, by some weird accident, I became the Commissioner of Major League Baseball? I think everyone knows what changes they would make, and here are mine, just in case anyone cares.
1: No stadiums named directly after companies. You can plaster their ads all over the outfield walls, all up and down the corridors, even put their logo on the back of every single seat. But NO stadiums named after them. And if you are so low on money as a team, that it's you're only alternative? Then you have no business being a team in the first place. Need money? Play some good baseball, put some asses in the seats, and sell some damn beers and hot dogs.
2: No DH. Sorry, old broken down former outfielders who are too decrepit to chase fly balls but can still hit. Big rule: If you can't play the field, then you're not a baseball player. And if you're not a baseball player, then you can't play major league baseball. When the pitcher has to bat, that adds all sorts of strategy and interest to the game.
3: Salary Cap. LONG overdue. End of discussion.
4: New rule regarding steroids: ONE STRIKE AND YOU'RE OUT. Forever. One test revealing that you're juiced, it's time to pack your bags. So long, good night. I don't care what you say about leaded and unleaded coffee or "He just handed it to me, I didn't know what it was." ARE YOU SUCH AN IDIOT THAT IF SOMEONE SAID TO YOU "HEY TAKE THIS" AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, YOU WOULD TAKE IT???" I don't care if a guy IS my personal trainer, I would still be interested in what it is I'm putting in my system. Just in case, oh, I don't know, it turns out to be steroids or something. But I'm off track. Yes, one strike and you're out. Banned from baseball. Records erased. If Pete Rose is going to be banned for gambling, then steroid users will be banned, too. If you do anything to help ruin the game, you're gone. That's it.
5. The Toronto Blue Jays must move to America. They can move to Vermont, or Maine, or New Hampshire or something to stay in the AL East. Nothing against Canada (it's really quite great), but to me, Major League Baseball is an American institution, and I don't care how similar Canada may be, I just think it should be all American teams. What's next? The Cuban National Team joins the NL East? Or what if teams from NFL Europe became regular NFL teams?
6. Bud Selig is also banned from Major League Baseball. This wouldn't really accomplish anything, but it sure would be satisfying. The only good thing Bud Selig ever did was sell the Milwaukee Brewers to Mark Attanasio. Mark's much more interesting.
7. The return of scheduled double headers. Nothing better than watching your favorite team play baseball... and then watching them do it again immediately afterwards.
I'm sure there's more, but it's late and I have to go back to work again tomorrow (That should be another rule - 4-day work week, but i don't think being MLB commish would give me that much power). Anyway, these are just opinions so don't read too much into them.
Date
Thu 08/24/06, 6:27 pm EST
