If I Did It…That Would Make Me a Murderer

by user LastRow

Leave it to all the dumbasses who work for the Fox Network to bring this to a television screen near you. Although should we be surprised that a network who has repeatedly aired moronic programs, will later this month air a program dubbed “If I Did It”. This interview that will shake the nation will air in two weeks will supposedly give great detail into how to pull off a double-murder, written, produced, and done by none other than O.J. Simpson himself….”Allegedly”, I mean. After all, he did get off, but then again Michael Jackson wasn’t found guilty when he was passing out “Jesus Juice” & warm cookies while fondling little boys and getting his nut on in the proccess.

Maybe it’s just me, (because I’m not the smartest ingrown butthair on this earth), but how does one seem to know so much about orchestrating a double murder if he never did it…I mean, “Allegedly”? Does one sit around the crib at night plotting these things out in one’s melon? Perhaps that night came about 11 years ago? Now I know I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed here, how is it again that you can give so detailed and chillingly realistic information of the happenings, but be gearing up for a trip to Chicago?

Now we’ve all heard numerous ways of promote oneself, but, hey Juice, nobody will ever go to this extreme. We know you have a book do out, where in it you write “I have never seen so much blood in my life. ” Damn man, you have one hell of imagination. bro! Forgive me if I don’t puke! Although I guess this is all part of you PR work, isn’t that right. This is all in hopes of creating a publicity storm, which you have, to get people to purchase a copy of “If I Did It”. Although, I kind of like “Murder, He Wrote” as the title.

Hey Juice, if you think you’re telling us news, guess again…You’re not! For you are the only one in this country who ever believes & still believes (I think) that you didn’t kill your ex-wife & boy toy for the evening! The fact is, you know what everybody knows you did, but we just didn’t know all the details. Some how in that sick & twisted head of yours you came up with a unique way, (to say the least) to somehow turn your Freddy Krueger acts into some way becoming profitable for yourself! A step by step blow of what “you pictured”. Hey juice, everytime I close my eyes, I picture me ramming a hot blonde from the back…Not slicing & dicing her guts all over Bundy! Just like you, I too know how to wash myself off. Although the substance that covers me isn’t the color red! See that’s called a fantasy…Guess you have them too, just those sick & demented ones!

Oh I get it, since you were found gulity in the civil trial and ordered you to pay $33.5 million in damages to the Goldman family, this is just a way for you to do that…Isn’t that right? Considering you’ve already gotten a $3.5 million advance for your book! Then to go on national television and reinact what went on at the Bates Motel that night 11 years ago and then write a tell all confession book…”Allegedly”, you’re just trying to give back, aren’t you? After all, tis the season for giving! What better way to say HO, HO, HO…Aren’t you just Joy Saint Nick! For mutilating their son, Ron, not paying them a cent of the $33.5 million you own them, then tell the nation you “did it”, by not actually coming clean! What a swell guy! Although for someone that “isn’t guilty”, you ‘re not painting a very good picture for yourself, since you have left no doubt it is a confession of what really happened. So just do us a favor, since the gloves do fit...Just Die in Hell O.J.!!!!!!