I Just Don't Get It: Celebrity Divorces
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by Suckatsports
I just don’t understand how one of the most interesting turn of events ever just skimmed the national eye.
Lost in all of this Bonds hooplah is arguably the best/worst story of all time. The Times Online was reporting that Juanita Jordan is likely to receive a settlement of $168 million. You might ask why I remember the amount even if I haven’t read the article on it in days. The answer would be because it is 168 MILLION DOLLARS!!!! This would be a record in a divorce case. Spielberg only gave up like $100 million when he split with his wife.
Listen, I get that Bonds lying about 'roids is kinda a big deal, but is it shocking? This story has all the punch of tomorrow’s headline being “Extra Extra Sun Rises”. We all knew this was going to happen sooner or later. But this divorce settlement would be huge. Write that out as if it were a check. One hundred sixty eight million dollars. That is fucking ridiculous. Let me put it this way, Juanita, with that money, could pay the entire payroll of EVERY MLB team in 2007 (other than the Yankees)
Yes he has some kids who are out of highschool, but holy hell look at that amount. This leads the future lawyer in me to ask: “what the hell does Juanita have on MJ?” Perhaps she has pictures of him sleeping with a 12 year old boy? Maybe he has a fetish that requires a few Dobermans be fitted with oven mits? (Think about that one... there we go). Whatever it is, it must be bad. Like reaaaally bad. We already know that Jordan’s a compulsive gambler so it likely will be something different.
Maybe it’s just because I actually care about divorce law stuff praying I can find a job doing it but I pray that in 10 years or so someone puts out a book and tells us all what the hell happened.
I Just Don't Get It is a weekly-ish commentary on baffling issues in the sports world. It will be written whenever the hell I feel like it. Questions, comments, concerns, love letters and fantasy football tips should be sent to detroitsportscity at gmail.
Go Buckeyes!
Sidebar: GET A FUCKING PRENUP PEOPLE!!!!! IF YOU NEED ONE DONE IN MICHIGAN, CALL ME UP IN ABOUT 8 MONTHS….
Divorce dunks Michael Jordan for 80M pounds [Times Online]
This post is cross-published from We Suck at Sports.
