I Hate the New York Knicks
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by user Josh Q. Public
Josh Q. Public: See I got heart like John Starks, hitting mad sparks. Pass me the mic and I’ll be rocking the whole park.
Public Service Announcement:
OK, here we go! I was going to hate on my Boston Celtics today. Couldn’t do it. Just not in me. Didn’t have the heart. You know me. You’ve seen my Red Sox posts. You’ve seen my Patriots posts. If you’re one of my guys, it’s Semper Fi, do or die. Hoo ha! There’s not going to be a lot for me to go crazy about up there at the TD Bank North Garden this year. I hope they prove me wrong, but until they do, I’m gonna need a basketball team to rant about. Shameless homer that I am, I can’t take on that second favorite team. It’s just gross. It’s a cop out. I hate guys that say, “I’m a Raptors fan, but I also root for the Heat.” That’s cause you’re a front-runner and your real team can’t win. I will say this; it is absolutely no fun when your team isn’t any good. So, what’s a guy to do? I’ll tell you what’s a guy to do. Hate on the Knicks. Come on along, it’s fun.
I didn’t used to hate the Knicks. No need to. They were no threat to us. Bernard King was once. Once. Once, for one fleeting moment back in 1984. But that was blip on the radar. A blink in time. First, I hated the Philadelphia 76ers. I hated Dr. J. How dare he lay even a finger on the Legend. How dare he, I say! I hated the dumb Spectrum floor. I hated Chocolate Thunder. Actually, that’s a lie. I kinda liked Darryl. Being from Lovetron and all. I hated Doug Collins. I hated Moses Malone. Fo…fo…fo. I hated Andrew Toney. Boston Strangler my ass. Then, I hated the Lakers. I hated Magic. Yes, Magic. The original, either the coach goes or I do, guy. I hated Pat Riley. His fancy suits and pomade hair. I hated Jack Nicholson. I hated Dancing Barry. I hated Showtime. I hated Kurt Rambis. I loved Kevin McHale smashing four-eyes to the ground. Which by the way, changed the way Pat Riley would coach for evermore. From Showtime to thuggery. Right there, before our very eyes. I hated Chuck Nevitt. I hated Lord Byron Scott. I hated the Big Fella’s stupid goggles. I hated that free-throw choking, hooker loving, cocaine snorting, Big Game James. You know, we played the Rockets twice in the Finals. Strangely, I didn’t hate them. I didn’t like them. I didn’t hate them. I mean, Bird was right. Moses did eat shit. But hate them? No. I did hate the Pistons. I hated the Worm. I hated Chuck Daly and his stupid hair-do. I hated Bill Laimbier. Who didn’t? I hated Rick Mahorn. I hated the fat little Microwave. I hated that gunner Adrien Dantley. Ha ha, he’s got a girl’s name. Boy Named Sue style. I hated the whole Bad Boys thing. Not for nothing, Mchale doesn’t break his foot in ‘87, there are no Bad Boys. Bird doesn’t hurt his back, there are no Bad Boys. Bias doesn’t die, there are no Bad Boys. I digress. I hated the Budda. I hated that Mavericks reject Mark Aguirre. I hated Isiah Thomas. I hated him most of all. Making out with Magic. And the coup de grace, you didn’t know I knew French, did you? The coup de grace: “If Bird were black, he’d be just another good guy. ” Eat my shorts Isiah! Better yet, eat Magic’s shorts. You know you want to. You may already have. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. So, like I said, I had no real reason to hate the Knicks. Until now that is. Until Zeke became their poster boy.
Public at Large:
1. Holy cow! My boy, Evgni Malkin, still Penguin dancing. Six for six. It’s just getting silly. Not only did he go six for six with his first goal, he won the game with his second. This guy’s a beast. John Mugabi style. Just so you know, no one’s gone six for six to start a career since 1918. Thank god for 2004, or there would have had to have been a Red Sox dig in there. Oh the guy in 1918, Joe Malone? He went fourteen for fourteen with Montreal. Yowza! Just nine to go.
2. Here we go again. Reliever Guillermo Mota was suspended for 50 games after testing positive for roids. These guys just can’t help themselves, can they? No wonder Mota came on so strong in the second half. He was all hepped up on that juice. This season, with the Tribe, Mota had a 6.21 ERA through 34 games. With the Mets he had a 1.00 ERA through 18 games and was on fire in the playoffs. He pitched like every day. Twice on Sundays. Well, I hope he’s learned his lesson.
3. Phillies looking to sign Soriano? Looks that way. Fire up that hot stove baby.
4. Michael Redd scores 37. Think this kid can shoot? Think he might have helped LeBronze become LeGold. I do. It was a travesty. A travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham that Michael Redd was not on that USA Basketball team. Coach K should be ashamed of himself.
5. Practice? AI had 32 last night. That’s his third straight 30-point game in a season opener. Nobody’s done that since his Airness. I miss MJ. He sure was good, wasn’t he?
6. Rasheed gets ejected. Shocker. Expect a lot of that this year. A whole lot. With Big Ben Wallace gone, the Pistons are not very good. When Rasheed’s teams are not very good, he can be very bad. Very bad indeed.
7. I guaranteed LeBronze would win the MVP. I want to recant that. I’m gonna go out on a limb here. Either LeBronze or Flash. These two are going to be the next Bird and Magic. Rings and trophies aplenty. Choo Choo Charlie was an engineer.
8. The more I think about it, the more I think David Stern’s decision to not allow high school kids to come directly into the NBA is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham. It’s un-American. All it does is take money out of the kid’s pocket for another year.
9. I have Heroes on TiVo. I still haven’t watched it. Did we save the cheerleader? Did we save the world? No! Wait! Don’t tell me.
10. Small headline in the Daily News sports section. Celts Honor Red, Then Lose. Isn’t that an oxymoron? Didn’t I say the best tribute to Red, would be to win? Why won’t anybody listen to me?
11. I Know, I know. The Knicks won. Isiah gets to keep his job for another day. Like my boy Greg Anthony always says: “The proof is in the pudding.” J-E-L-L-O style. Hey, isn’t Isiah going to jail soon? Sexual something or other? Not to toot my own horn or anything but… How cool is that picture? It covers both the Isiah jail reference and the Jello reference. Both of ‘em. Without even meaning to. Brilliant!
12. Hold onto your hats folks. This is gonna be a bahn burnah. The beasts of the Big East. Louisville/West Virginia. Who’s gonna fall off the undefeated bus? Vegas says WVU. Vegas baby, Vegas. I’m not so sure. This Slaton cat is special. Remember what he did last year against Louisville? Huh? Do Ya? As a freshman? Oh, not that much. You know. 188 yards on 31 carries. 5 rushing TDs. Another TD receiving. That makes six TDs in all, Binky. WVU and Big East records. Walter Camp, USA Today, and Rivals.com National Player of the Week. Big East Player of the Week. That’s all. That’s all.
13. You watch. This Marcus Williams character is going to make Zeke look even sillier than already does.
14. Let the bidding begin! First of all, I need a nickname for this guy. I can’t keep typing Daisuke Matsuzaka all the time. It’s just not natural. I’m still figuring out Evgeni. Anyway. The Seibu Lions will post Matsuzaka today and allow bids from major league ballclubs. I hope we get him. I hope we get him. I hope we get him.
15. Hey Thumbs! You out there? A) Your article was due Monday. B) If I were you, I’d take BC Saturday. Wake is giving four. BC’s winning that game. Pick of the week baby, pick of the week.
16. Spurs/ Mavericks on TV tonight. Great match up and all. I dunno. I don’t think I’m ready yet. I’m just not feeing it.
17. Shawne Merriman said he’s not a steroid cheat. Ya ya. We know. Neither is Palmiero. Neither is Marion Jones. Neither is Floyd Landis. Neither is Lance Armstrong. Neither is Shef. Neither is Bonds. Neither is Juice Gatlin. Neither is McGuire. Neither is Trevor Graham. Neither is CJ Hunter. Neither is Slammin’ Sammy. Neither is Tim Montgomery. Neither is Nails. Neither is Bill Romanowski. Neither is Juan-Gon. Let me see if I understand this correctly. The only athletes who ever were “steroid cheats” are: Jose Canseco, Lyle Alzado, Jason Grimsley, Ken Caminiti, Super Star Billy Graham and Giambi Juice, kinda. Is that right? Oh, ok.
18. If you saw the new Aqua Teen, Hand Banana, raise your hand. What is wrong with those guys? Are they just trying to outdisturb themselves?
Peace out homies. Six Two and Even! Josh Q Public
