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I'm 30, But I'm not dead

18
Vote

by user MetsJetsDevils

So today is my 30th birthday. While I was wallowing in self-pity it occured to me that as long as I am a sports fan I will always be young. Now, my wife does not understand this at all. She is not much of a sports "fan" although all told she is a much better athlete than I am. She will never understand the joy of getting Paul Konerko and his 40 HRs in the 10th round. She will never understand the elation of the idiot in your league (last year it was me) who dropped Chase Utley at the beginning of the season when it looked like he was stuck in a platoon. So, with that introduction here are the 10 things that despite my age ensure that my maturity will never rise above high school level.

10) I sneak out of brunch to check the latest posts on the New York Jets message board
9) I shrieked like a child when she bought me an authentic #23 Scott Gomez Jersey
8) I keep finding new and exciting ways to build my next Madden franchise. My last one was finding the top rated player at each position from the 2000 draft.
7) I went to a college hockey game and heckled (and screamed) at the ref so much that I couldn't talk the next day
6) We fight everytime we play Scrabble
5) I once pretended to be sick so as to avoid dinner with my wife's folks because I had a fantasy draft that night.
4) we have a deal that when she watches a reality show on MTV I get to spend that time on any sports message board I want (lately its been armchairgm!)
3) I watch the entire NFL draft
2) I sacrifice billable hours to work out a trade in my fantasy basketball league. I hate basketball, never watch it, yet refused to trade Ben Wallace unless I got fair value in return. I was in last place 40 points behind the leader.
1) My bedroom wall is full of posters of the 1995 Stanley cup winning New Jersey Devils, pictures of Pete Rose and Wayne Gretzky, and a newspaper clipping showing the one save I made in the only varsity soccer game I played in all throughout high school.

Date

Thu 03/23/06, 10:25 am EST <pageTools></pageTools>

Enable Comment Auto-Refresher
PeanMajor Leaguer
1348 days ago
Score 2+-
Happy Birthday MJD! Ahh Madden...that game has gotten so complex...I feel like I need to quit my job in order to get good at it again
Permalink | Reply
EnyboDiv-I Stud
1348 days ago
Score 2+-
haha, great article. I love that you faked being sick to make the draft.
Permalink | Reply
PeanMajor Leaguer
1348 days ago
Score 6+-
I would fake being dead to not miss a fantasy baseball draft
Permalink | Reply
Bball3345Draft Pick
1348 days ago
Score 0+-
That was my favorite one too
Permalink | Reply
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
1348 days ago
Score 3+-
Hey, it was an intense draft. It was a keeper league, NL only. Kept 10 players with a $50 salary cap for keepers. I should have included that I got thrown out of the league at around midseason when I got into a fight with the commissioner about who was the rightful owner of David Wright. David Wright was in double A at the time!
Permalink | Reply
RoblefkoLegend
1348 days ago
Score 4+-
Doug, you werent the idiot in your league..the idiot was the person who traded Carlos Lee for Danny Graves and Preston Wilson...hehe
Permalink | Reply
Awrigh01All-Star
1348 days ago
Score 0+-
Awesome article.
Permalink | Reply
Anonymous Fanatic #1
1348 days ago
Score 0+-
bravo!
Permalink | Reply
AlissaVarsity
1348 days ago
Score 5+-
of course awrigh01 thinks this is an awesome article - he pulled the same thing to my family the night of his fantasy baseball draft!
Permalink | Reply
Anonymous Fanatic #1
1348 days ago
Score 3+-
Alissa from downtown!!
Permalink | Reply
Anonymous Fanatic #2
1348 days ago
Score 1+-
Doug's usually not this funny. And heckling the refs. is only funny when you're a fan and not a real athlete like me! By the way, I can kick your ass in scrabble, hockey, soccer, etc.  ;) Happy Bday! Love, your wife
Permalink | Reply
Anonymous Fanatic #3
1348 days ago
Score 0+-
Oh yeah, and one more thing sweety, can you remember to buy the viagra so we can finally u know what..
Permalink | Reply
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
1348 days ago
Score 2+-
Wow, Alissa and my wife are now posting on armchairgm! Way to go Doug!!
Permalink | Reply
Anonymous Fanatic #4
1348 days ago
Score 0+-
NOT FUNNY ROB! I will never forget that trade! (This is Sari by the way)
Permalink | Reply
Anonymous Fanatic #4
1348 days ago
Score 0+-
Happy Birthday Doug (From Sari). See you at the Mets game. I think Pedro will be pitching!
Permalink | Reply
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
1348 days ago
Score 2+-
Sari, you have no one to blame but yourself. For everyone else's information. Sari and Rob made the trade (Carlos Lee for Danny Graves and Preston Wilson) and the entire league vetoed it. Just to show us that we did not know what was best for her team, Sari immediately made the trade again. Add this one to my list. 7PM on my birthday I am still at the office and griping about a fantasy trade made a year ago!
Permalink | Reply
Anonymous Fanatic #5
1347 days ago
Score 0+-
Not to nit-pick, but most devils fans i know, including myself, still loathes gretzky for the "mickey mouse" franchise comments. Take that poster down!
Permalink | Reply
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
1346 days ago
Score 0+-
I know I know, but the Devils WERE a Mickey Mouse franchise at the time. They were until a guy names Lou Lam cam from Providence. All said though, the "Great One" was too small to play in the NHL and he is the best ever. Thats my kind of player.
Permalink | Reply
Ray agmJV Squad
1277 days ago
Score 0+-
HEY 3/23 is my birthday too! Great article btw, nothing's funnier than the truth.
Permalink | Reply
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