How Bad Does the Sports Culture in Miami Blow?
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by LastRow
Life in South Florida…Many call it living in paradise! I don’t know what living in "paradise" actually entails, but I do know that it sure beats living in Butte, Montana…Bismarck, North Dakota…Cheyenne, Wyoming, or any other hole in the wall town…Trust me! Trust me because I lived there for 10 years! However, I’m not sure "paradise" encompasses "jibberish" being spoken all over the place…As if one was living in another country. Traffic up the ying-yang! Not knowing how many "shims" are going to try and hit on you through the evening…(My own personal advice, keep the duct tape handy at all times!) Botox, fake baked plastic bitches, (although gorgeous) from head to toe prancing around, giving guys open invitations to get a little taste. In all honesty, that gay ass Will Smith tune "Welcome to Miami" that we all used to crank up and bob are heads to…And don’t kid yourself, you know you did! Well, Big Willie Style painted the picture of Miami as clear as those "glass bottom boats". Now lets be real here…We all used bump that tune, just we thought "New Kids on the Block" were once rad along with Millie Villiani being legit as well!
Yes, life is good living in South Florida…Just too bad! Yeah, just too bad the sports scene gets in the way down there! Well, that’s highly debatable, since nobody ever shows up to sporting events regardless of teams being good or bad! Although how God awful is the current South Florida sports scene! Why, it closely resembles the "True Life of Britany Spears"! Perhaps there’s hope for her yet?
Is there a collection of God awful teams that one city/region claims as their own? Let’s see, they’re the Marlins…Who claim they have no money, who draw less than the local YMCA’s daily, who every time they get at least half way decent decide to have a "Kmart Blue Light Take Our Top Players Off Our Hands Because we Don’t Feel Like Paying Them the Big Bucks Special." Perhaps their fellow fish who share the same aqua tank with them should invest for some swimming lessons for Christmas, (or whichever holiday is celebrated) too! The only undefeated team in the NFL are all but a certain look to reverse that 1972 goose egg from the loss column and move it over to the win column! 0-16…How awesome is that! The Tampa Bay Yucs Sucs can’t wait to move over to finally have some company!
Wait, I’m not done yet…We still have the Miami Heat! Why, if it wasn’t for Seattle they’d be the worst in the league. And, oh yeah, Seattle beat them…Ouch, that hurts! A team in which David Stern "gave" them the title a couple years back couldn’t beat the team that the Sunrise Senior Living Center puts on the court coached by Dr. Jack Ramsey! Having that Neismith dude rolling over in his grave. Shaq looks as slow as one of the Fat Ass kids on his Big Challenge…Pretty soon they’ll have to "black curtain" the upper deck! Taking a page out of the Marlins book.
Now true, South Florida does have "professional hockey", but it’s hockey! The NHL doesn’t even matter…And even if it did, why put a hockey team in South Florida? Um yeah…In case nobody figured it out yet…Nothing freezes in South Florida! Cold to them is 50 degrees…A bunch of whinos and pansies! Not only that, the Panthers play about five miles from the Everglades, (sadly, I’m not making that up!)
Lastly, as if the sports scene in South FLA couldn’t get any worse…We have the Miami Hurricanes! And that’s pretty much all I’m going to say about that one! Oh that and good luck Randy Shannon!
Yes indeed sports fans, the sports scene in South Florida definitely blows goats! And to think, we thought New York had it bad with the Knicks! Turns out South Florida sports is no better than New Kids on the Block, Will Smith, Millie Villiani…And oh yes, the Latin, gay ass heart throb, Ricky Martin combined!
