Golf New Drug Testing Policy, Huh?
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Okay, far be it from me to have a negative opinion on something, but something has to be said about this one. Now I’m all for drug testing in sports which single out cheaters, but how many cheaters play the game of golf. No I’m not referring to taking countless mulligans, improving lies, writing down a three on a par five when you got a nine…close, it’s a multiple of three, I’m talking about actually testing for drugs in the game of golf. It’s true peeps, drug testing will take place at a golf tournament for the first time in October, through the Royal & Ancient. Might I suggest the first one to be tested is Stevie Williams. Something must be up there…Big man on the golf course loves to bully fans and toss around cameras. If this isn’t a classic case of “Roid Ranging Caddie”, I don’t know what is?
On the eve of the British Open we learn that tests will be carried out at the World Amateur Team championship at Stellenbosch, South Africa, on Oct. 22-29. This unprecedented move is to undoubtedly stop performance-enhancing substances from creeping into the game….More importantly prevent them from coming to a fairway near you. As for what constitutes a positive test, I haven’t got the slightest. Maybe there’s something in the Energy PowerBars which many golfers love to stuff their face with on the links? Perhaps there’s going to be a limit set on the intake of these over the course of a round…Don’t want anybody to OD on them! This can’t be good for Phil Mickelson, can it? From the looks of him, he must eat one a hole during a round. Must’ve run out of them on the 72nd hole at Winged Foot. While you’re at it, can you do me a favor and check the cart girls’, ride. I think it might be on steroids…it goes a lot faster than mine. “We don't think at the moment that there is much use of performance-enhancing drugs in golf let me be clear,” Dawson said. Performance-enhancing drugs & golf…That deserves a WTF! I guess one would take them for improving their distance off the tee? So then the peeps that compete in the “Long-Drive” contest better start conversing with Victor Conte to figure out a plan to beat the system. Billy Madison, you better watch out…I think they’re on to you? "It's a rehearsal. I don't know when you're going to see drug testing in professional golf around the world, but we would support it," Dawson said. Honestly, I didn’t think we would even see the rehearsal stage of this?? Although, walking 7,000 yards in four consecutive days can take a toll on the body.
I don’t know if you heard about this Iranian Government dude yesterday in the USAToday. This is an honest to God “supposedly” true story which appeared. He recently played golf for the first time ever…Apparently he’s quite good too. He recorded 13 holes-in-one in a round. Shit man, why stop at 13…Why not just say you shot an 18. However, it’s still unclear if the course had windmills and clown mouths? Though he, would be another good candidate for this new policy, wouldn’t he? To think scoring 13 holes-in-one wasn’t ludicrous enough…Now a Golf Drug Testing policy is in place. I’m starting to believe that Wilt Chamberlain did have over 20,000 sexual encounters…Although what were all these encounters with?
Just be on the lookout for a drug policy to be coming to the World Series of Darts…Helping the drunk man improve eyesight & hit the Bullseye after nine beer in! HOOOOORAY BEER!
Source
- ESPN.com
- LastRowSports.com
Date
Wed 07/19/06, 6:08 pm EST
