Golf Course Etiquette…Jimmie Johnson Style

by user LastRow

Every now and again for some odd reason we need to go down to the local golf course, (excuse me, rich people refer to it as a “country club) yeah, whatever makes you shoot better. Honestly, why do we do this? Well, some things just aren’t explainable…If they were, we would understand why women feel the need to throw their own Tupperware convention or beauty product convention and even might understand why they need to ALWAYS get the last word in! So playing a round of golf to men is our little Tupperware & beauty product convention…Although there’s not enough beauty products in the world that can make our golf games gleam like a woman’s face does at night!

Golf is the one “sport”, (and I uses that term very loose) that anybody can “attempt” to play. From 2-year olds to 90-year olds, anybody can hit that freaking little white ball, (though I must admit, I play with pastel color balls…On the golf course I like to get in touch with the inner me) and do their best hack job! Golf is not played for fun, there’s nothing fun about it! Fun would be walking on glass barefoot! Although, I must say driving the golf cart…Now that’s fun, pure excitement! After I shoot 72 for nine, it’s time to have some fun! So I become the designated driver for the back nine…This is something I take great pride in doing! Doing my best impression of a taxi cab driver to make sure people around the golf course are safe and sound…I take pride in that! Hey, Jimmie Johnson…Next time you find yourself on a golf course near you, you may want to give me a call?

Here we have the Nextel Cup champion Jimmie Johnson who broke his left wrist when he fell out of a golf cart during a celebrity tournament. Damn, I heard of the long rough having the ability to break wrists, but this…Who was your driver, Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor? What, did he throw a Dodge Hemi on the back or what? See, let this be a lesson to all…We don’t bump draft going down the fairway! It’s just too dangerous! Did one of the tires blow causing this mishap?

"I was in a golf cart and the driver took a sharp turn," Johnson said in a statement. "I wasn't holding on tight enough, landed awkwardly on the ground and heard a little pop. It was a fluke deal, but fortunately we're in the off-season and I don't plan to miss any additional time." Wasn’t holding on tight enough…It was a fluke deal? No Jimmie, it wasn’t a fluke deal…This ridiculousness once again shows the nation yet again why NASCAR DRIVERS AREN’T ATHLETES! For you guys can’t even hop into a golf cart without a HANS Device! Yeah, really athletic! That “sharp turn” you speak of Jimmie Boy…What, I suppose your driver made a “sharp” right hand “turn”? Wasn’t expecting that, were you? At least that was what the initial reports were indicating!

However, LastRowSports..com has done endless research on this and it has discovered when you said “I wasn't holding on tight enough,” you unforeseeably forgot to mention you weren’t actually on the inside of the golf cart trying to hang on. You know, the place where people usually sit…Yeah, that’s what those seats are for! No, No, of course you weren’t…What fun would the be? Why instead of sitting in the cart like 99.9 percent of us would…Lets just climb on top and “lie on the roof of the golf cart!” That’s much more exciting…Isn’t that right, Jim? Might I add, something everybody should experience once in their lifetime! After all, got to get the blood pumping somehow…And obviously your golf game doesn’t quite do the trick for you!

How on earth do you explain this one Jimbo? How many beers were you into before you wanted to become a golf course stunt devil? Did somebody double dog dare you to ride around on the roof? Or were you just trying to find your ball and figured you’d get a better perspective of things from six feet up? I know, those pastel color balls can be a bitch to find! It’s good to see Bo & Luke Duke must be your redneck heroes! Sorry to say, a golf cart shouldn’t be mistaken for the “General Lee”, Jim! I know it looks cool when the slide across the hood and all! Although, if you had a responsible driver, he would’ve yelled “FORE!” before taking off! Something I always do when I have a fellow golfer riding on my roof! By the way, who was driving the cart? No, let me guess…Johnny Knoxville?

Got to love NASCAR Drivers! The only people who we have to listen to them bitching about how they are athletes! Is it just me, or is it tough to take somebody who says this seriously when they are riding around golf courses on roofs of the golf carts? Or let’s just say he was actually in a “regular” seat sitting down…Again, who in the hell falls out of one and the breaks their wrists…Only morons who misconstrued a golf cart roof for a surf or body board. We know you’re from California, so you’re supposed to know the differences between the three! Nevertheless, thanks for giving us a world wind of a chuckle! And to think, this is NASCAR's reigning champion…The best “Athlete” they have to offer!

It would appear Mr. Johnson has a career after NASCAR as being a stunt devil. So good to know…Whenever they decide to recreate a golf cart spot, you’ll be the first one they call. What was this your casting call for an audition? Jimmie Johnson starring in a movie dubbed Jackass II…Is it me, or does that just go together too perfectly? Forget peanut butter & jelly…Why we have Jimmie Johnson & Jackass! Although, I must warn every hacker out there who does a better job of tearing up & chunking their way around the golf course rather than getting the ball into the clowns month….The next time you hop into a golf cart, please read the new revised safety rules! Thanks to Jimmie, clubs & courses are scrambling to revise the rules, which will state: “No patron(s) at any given time shall be riding on the roof of the cart!” Really? To think, I always thought this was assumed? Leave it to some dumbass, redneck, NON-ATHLETE, NASCAR driver for forcing clubs to have to put this in writing! What’s next? “ This vehicle does not come equipped with the HANS device?” There’s something to be said about golf course etiquette…This once again proves rednecks don’t have any! Wait a minute, what am I saying…They don’t have any, PERIOD! Thanks again Jimmy Boy for the good laugh!

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