Gladiators ready???
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by MUDaveFan
Hey there kiddos! Long time no talk! Despite what "winteringand" says, I have not died of AIDS. I'm sure you all know about this, but in case you don't, American Gladiators is back!!! Now we can't tell you how excited this makes us here at Rev's World. We are off to get our curly mullets, talk to Steve Urkel about the Eliminator, and to get some steroids. See you in Hollywood!
American Gladiators best events in order. Please note that it's damn near impossible to find good pictures of these events. Rest assured, these events do exist!
1.) The Eliminator
Some say the Tour de France is the ultimate endurance challenge. Some may even say the Ironman Triathalon. The fact of the matter is that "The Eliminator" in it's later years is the ultimate test of awesomeness. Put it this way, you start off running up a treadmill at a 45-degree angle (which we could not do). Then you have to go 25 yards using a hand-bike. A freaking hand-bike! "The Eliminator" is so badass it invented a new gadget! Again, we could never do this. Then you have to run across a rolling log for 10 yards while you are being pummeled by giant medicine balls. Could we do this? You guessed it...no fucking way! Then you have to climb up a 20-foot cargo net. We think we could do this, but probably not. After the cargo net, you get to go down a zip line that looks so fun. Then we realized that even if we made it to the zip line, we'd probably be so tired that we'd let go way too early and die. Good times. Once you touch the line at the end, you have to climb a plexiglass wall and then run through a gauntlet of giant tackling dummies. Our favorite ending was whe you had to break through a wall and hope a Gladiator wasn't behind it. So all in all, "The Eliminator" is 1 minute of pure hell.
2.) Assault
In the early years, the setting locale of this game looked like something out of our parents' basements. In fact, we PLAYED this game in our parents' basements. In the later years though, this game was amazing...and deadly. Something about tennis balls coming toward your face at 100mph revs our engines. Awesome! How many times did you see a contestant trying to fire a weapon only to have a tennis ball nail them in the face. The worst gun was that cannon launcher that you couldn't even aim. You simply had to just stick your hand out and press the trigger and hope it came close...which it never did.
3.) Sky Track
Have you ever tried to bear crawl upside down? Either have we. This is why we want to join this show so we can try! It looks fun but chances are that we, like most of the contestants, would just get really dizzy and get stuck in the middle of the track. The best was watching contestants who didn't know how they could use their feet and get smoked by 15 seconds.
4.) Powerball
Can you say dangerous? How fucking awesome is this game? Long story short, you have to take a soccer ball and put it in a pylon. Simple enough right? Except you get tackled, thrown, and clothes-lined into oblivion. Did I mention all they give you is a helmet? If you want to see some awesome bone crushing hits, watch this game.
5.) Joust
Joust, or "Giant Q-tips" as a certain friend calls it, is a great game in the sense that you can totally lay someone out with a big hit. If we were on this show, we would try everything illegal. The "Hey! Look over there" comes to mind. That or just go straight for the hit to the groin. Chances are this would piss Nitro off and he'd hit us in the head so hard that we would have seizures.
6.) Human Canonball
Watch this and it will be all the reasons you need to love this game. That's all we have to say about that. Far out dude!
7.) Breakthrough and Conquer
This game sounds fun, but most of the time it's a huge letdown. This game includes trying to score a touchdown against the Gladiator from a running start (Breakthrough) and then knocking/pushing/pulling/throwing the Gladiator out of a wrestling ring (Conquer). The Breakthrough part is damn near impossible for the Gladiator unless the contestant is a moron and runs straight at him. In the Conquer segment, the Gladiators normally suck really really bad at Greco-Roman style wrestling. Maybe they can't get that low because of the steroids. Chinese riddle for ya.
8.) Atlasphere
This game looks so freaking hard that it pissed us off. How frustrating would it be to almost get your stupid giant ball cage into that hole (wow...sexual!) only to have it pop out and you not score (again...sexual!)? We know we would suck really bad at this game. We can barely run as is, let alone in a giant hamster cage!
9.) The Wall
We pride ourselves in wall climbing. That is when we can take our grand ol' time and not worry about a steroid freaking chasing. The only way the contestants had a chance in this game is if they kicked the Gladiator in the face and said Gladiator fell off. They should have made this more interesting and not had any bungee cords!
10.) Hang Tough
We could never do the monkey bars growing up. They were so hard! Imagine doing the monkey bars except they are little rings. And instead of being 2 feet off the ground, you were 20 feet off the ground. And if some big ass bully wanted you off his ring set and he would grab onto you until you fell? Good times right? NOT! This game looked BRUTAL and I always felt bad for the contestants that had to "hang tough" only to let go with about 1 second left.
So there you have it! Yes, we know there are more games that we did not include but screw you! We are the moderators here and we choose to include whatever we want! Now, if you would excuse us, we have a gallon of whey protein to drink.
orginally posted at http://ifrevonlyhadabrain.blogspot.com/
