Glad to see ESPN's not running out of ideas
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by user Hogpage
[1] How generic can you get? I know that sports news is sparse during the summer months. It's the reason we've been horded with with thousands of predictable NBA mock drafts, baseball 24/7 and overly excited analysts talking about athletes in trouble. But you can always count on ESPN to release something so bland that you wish that Pac-man Jones and Tank Johnson haven't learned their lessons just so we can retain some much needed entertainment. Because, now, on Page 2, you can read the "101 things all sports fans must experience before they die."
Or in practice, a waste of 30 frigging minutes because why do you need a list to remind you that you need to see a Yankees/Red Sox game. Or a Duke/UNC game. Or attend a World Cup soccer match sometime in your life.
It's common sense. Something that all sports fans dream about.
The thing that really pisses me off is the list gets worse and worse. And eventually, it's not a list of events that sports fans must experience before they die. It's a list of shit you couldn't pay people to attend. At least not me.
(to tell you the dead honest truth, it's really just a list of every single sporting event that has some history or story behind it. Seriously. From an Odessa Permian high school football game to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally and everything in between)
For example,
48. Lady Vols basketball game
I'll pass. I'm sure they're exciting and everything. Well, as exciting as women basketball can get. But I'd rather go sit on a park bench and watch a bum sleep under a swing set than fly to Knoxville to watch a women's layup drill. No offense. Seriously, though. What the hell was Jim Caple (the writer) thinking when he added this one to the list. I'm really curious to hear the number of people who actually have, "see a Lady Vols basketball game," on their list of things to do before they die.
66. World Armwrestling Championships
I know you guys have stumbled across armwrestling on ESPN 2 at 4:30 AM during the summer, but would you ever want to go to one. When you do flip to ESPN 2 a [2] nd see armwrestling, do you not immediately ask yourself, "Who the fuck goes to those things?" And, "Do those guys actually care about this, or are they just putting on a show?" Usually, when you ask yourself questions like those, you're not going to go out of your way to buy a plane ticket so you can watch it in person. If you do find yourself in the middle of an armwrestling tournament, if that's what there called, be careful because you're surrrounded by people who have a sick fetish concerning Sylvester Stallone in Over the Top. Plus, wouldn't you think that it would get a little bit old after the first, I don't know, five or six matches. It's basically the same shit over and over again.
63. Camp out for tickets (any event)
One of the most misunderstood traditions in sports (especially college sports) is camping out for a game. Some people consider college sports to be a lot more stimulating than professional sports because of the students. The passion. The loyalty. And in this situation, the die-hard students who camp out in the freezing cold to be the first ones into the stadium. But I hate to break it to all you guys, the reality, the real reality, is the people camping out are all sober, dorm-room geeks who care more about where they sit then getting hammered at your tailgate ten minutes before game time. Sorry to burst your bubble, but camping out for tickets is not something a sports fan should do before they die. Go get drunk.
(Exceptions: * A school like Kansas where you have to camp out to just get in to the stadium. *It's different for professional sports, if you ever have the chance to camp out, because the chance of being allowed to drink would be higher considering you're not on a college campus)
[3] 85. Iowa-Iowa State wrestling match
I've never been to a college wrestling match. I didn't think people actually could, let alone voluntarily. I have never seen college wrestling on TV, have you? I would really like to know where the selling-point is. What is so damn intriguing? Why would Page 2 would want me to waste a weekend out of my life to fly to Iowa and witness two grown men roll around in short tights and ear muffs, while a little referee makes pitiful attempts to make the game exciting by banging the mat over and over again. Or do they even do that in college wrestling?
(Man, who wouldn't want to see that in person)
41. The Iditarod
It's hard to even argue this one. For some reason, Page 2 has it listed as #41 on a list of events sports fan have to go see. Well here is the description under it....
> Think it's tough playing football in Green Bay in December? Try this 1,150-mile race, held each year to commemorate a dogsled run to bring diphtheria medicine to a snowbound village. Temperatures have plunged to 130 degrees below zero (with the wind chill) and the dogs frequently need coats and booties. Before it's done, you'll need the diphtheria medicine.
Well where do I fucking sign up! You want me to go see a 1,150 dog race in 130 degree below zero weather? Wasn't Iron Will enough? And remember, it wouldn't stop at just going to the race. You'd have to travel with the race. It would be miserable. I'd rather go to a Lady Vols basketball game.
Well even writing about this has bored me so if you want to see more of these ridiculous events at ESPN's expense, check out the rest.
101 things sports fans must experience before they die ( Page2)
www.thesportspen.com
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I say they get Berman and Madden to go up against Kubiyashi (sp?) in a burrito-off...
Maybe a Paige/Mariotti Cage Match?