Get your resumes ready

by user Hogpage

The NBA and NHL seasons have ended. It's too early to talk about football, pro or college. And baseball, while the games aren't meaningless, its hard for me to get jacked for a game when the Rangers are 30-44. Can you imagine playing on a baseball team that sucked. The Rangers have played 74 games. Now imagine being down 8-2 in the blazing heat to the Royals. You're already 17 1/2 games out of the division and immediately following this game with Kansas City you have to hop a plane and travel to Baltimore to play the Orioles at 2 pm the next day. While the entire time you're remembering you only have 88 more games to play.

And if your Texas, you have to play in the Texas heat in the middle of Arlington, Texas. The biggest shit-heap in the country.

Sports news comes sparingly during the summer. With the exception of Pac-man Jones and his inability to keep his hands out of the cookie jar. And by cookie jar, I mean shooting up shit outside of strip clubs. This time of the year comprises of continuous examination of the NBA draft, the College World Series, force-fed preseason football, Baseball Tonight [1], Baseball Tonight, and Baseball Tonight.

Not to mention the incessant chatter concerning the top NBA free agents. Well, since I'm sick of hearing about Chauncey Billups, Vince Carter, Rashard Lewis, etc. I thought it be nice to give the worst 2007 free agents a much needed revelation.

The bottom 5 free agents *there might be players worse out there, but these guys were picked for their own reasons

5. Matt Bonner, San Antonio

Bonner, who was drafted out of Florida by Chicago (16th pick of the 2nd round) in the 2003 NBA draft, has, how do I say this bluntly, done absolute shit since his Florida days. He just doesn't have the athleticism, the speed, or the looks to play in the NBA. The 6'10 red-head has been somewhat of a relief man in his three years of NBA experience. Lately only seeing playing time when one of the two teams is just gunning up shots hoping to reach 100 points so their fans receive free tacos. He wasn't terrible on Toronto his first two years (21.8 mpg and 7.5 ppg in his best and final year), but saw his playing time and his numbers fall mightily after hooking up with San Antonio last year.

2007 salary: $2,000,000

I know, ridiculous

4. Jake Tsakalidis, Houston

At 7'2 290, Tsakalidis was drafted 25th overall to the Phoenix Suns in the 2000 NBA draft. Tsakalidis didn't intimidate anybody with his size and averaged 4.5 points per game his first season in Phoenix. Not quite MVP numbers.

(A funny feature that most these players possess is being included in trades with other objectionable players)

In 2003, Jake Tsakalidis and teammate Bo Outlaw were traded to the Memphis Grizzlies for Brevin Knight, Robert Archibald and Cezary Trybanski. Must of been a big one.

2007 Salary: $2,900,000

3. Vitaly Potapenko, Sacramento

The only reason Potapenko is in the top three is because of his knickname, The Ukraine Train. I mean he's still sucks. As a lottery pick (12th to the Cavs), he's averaged 6.5 points per game playing for his 4th NBA team. In 2002, the Celtics traded Potapenko, Kenny Anderson and Joe Forte to Seattle for Vin Baker and Shammond Williams. And Vinny Baker only averaged 5.2 points his first year in Boston.

2007 Salary: $3,674,584

2. Jake Voskuhl, Charlotte

Premium spare. Voskuhl was drafted by the Chicago Bulls via the 33rd overall pick. Voskuhl's career numbers consist of 15.8 minutes per game and 4.8 points per game. But remember that trade thing I just told you about? In August of 2005, the Phoenix Suns, who acquired Voskuhl from Chicago after his rookie year, traded big Jake for, get this, a conditional 2nd round pick. Which is basically a nice way of saying you're equivalent to a player who most likely will not make an NBA roster. Oh yea, funny thing about Jake. His career really took a turn for the better when his playing time increased in Charlotte thanks to the exhausti [2] on issues of Primoz Brezec. Backing up sharp-shooter Primoz, huh? Tough to talk shit when you hold that position.

And finally...

1. Rafael Araujo, Utah

After perusing through some information about Rafael, I have picked three reasons why he's the worst 2007 free-agent.

1. After being drafted with the 8th overall pick by the Toronto Raptors in the 2004 NBA draft, Araujo had a pitiful rookie year. Toronto wasted a top 10 pick on a guy who averaged 3.3 points per game his rookie year. Lets just say that didn't quite satisfy the Toronto fans. In his next year, he was even worse (2.3 ppg in 11.6 mpg). Toronto GM Rob Babcock was fired after Araujo's second year, and rumor had Araujo's selection at 8th overall had something to do with it. Getting someone fired because you suck must be humbling.

2. The dude got busted for steroids during the 2002 World Championships. Considering he was decent in college, maybe he should start taking them again. And I'm going to make #2 a two-part reason. The second being how white the dude looks shooting the layup in that picture (see above)

3. In 2006, the Raptors traded Araujo to the Utah Jazz with an undisclosed amount of money, for Kris Humphries and Robert Whaley. Undisclosed amount of money? What that's really saying is Utah didn't think Araujo was worth Kris Humphries and Robert Waley, who combined have disconcertingly averaged 5.8 points per game. I don't even think Walery still plays. So Utah wanted an "undisclosed" amount of money because tattooed up Araujo wasn't worth a shit (5.8 ppg to be exact). Can't be good for the guys confidence.

2007 Salary: 2,395,200

Now I know there will be arguments concerning this top 5, so let the arguing commence.

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