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Fun with CBS Sportsline Player Updates Headlines: Part 2

10
Vote

by user Pean

Last year I wrote a dubious article (that produced one of the most negative voted comments of all time) about how CBS Sportsline intentionally uses inappopriate headlines for their player updates of certain players. Well, it appears that either 1) they haven't stopped, or 2) my mind is in the gutter. I'm leaning towards #2.

Anyway, here is the deal. These are actual headlines from player news updates from CBS.sportsline.com.

My favs in bold.

Randy Johnson

  • Johnson getting 'Rocket' treatment (6/11/07)
  • Big Unit a go for Wednesday (5/27/07)
  • Big Unit has back stiffness (5/17/07)
  • Big Unit gets nice compliment (5/11/07)
  • Big Unit gets beat up in return (4/25/07)
  • Big Unit to debut Tuesday (4/21/07)
  • Big Unit makes another rehab start (4/19/07)
  • Big Unit sharp in first game action (3/24/07)
  • Big Unit ready for game action (3/23/07)
  • Unit ready for spring action (3/20/07)
  • Big Unit continues to progress (3/8/07)
  • Johnson sore after mound session (2/27/07)
  • Manager hopes Big Unit is back by April (2/17/07)
  • Agent works on Big Unit extension (1/7/07)

Chien-Ming Wang

  • Wang gets it done Wednesday (5/17/07)
  • Wang roughed up by Rangers (5/10/07)
  • Wang flirts with perfection (5/5/07)
  • Wang comes off DL on Tuesday (4/24/07)
  • Yankees: Wang ready to go (4/19/07)
  • Wang needed by Yankees Saturday (4/15/07)
  • Wang reports no problems Friday (4/5/07)
  • Yankees pleased with Wang's progress (4/4/07)
  • Wang not concerned about wrist (3/12/07)

Albert Pujols

  • Pujols blasts off twice Sunday (6/10/07)
  • Pujols rested on Thursday (6/3/07)
  • Pujols gets much needed rest (6/1/07)
  • Pujols finally gets going (5/27/07)
  • Pujols starts to snap out (5/16/07)
  • Pujols a terror at PNC Park (4/10/07)
  • Pujols returns to normal (4/9/07)
  • Pujols off to very quiet start (4/5/07)

Bartolo Colon

props to Davis21wylie for reminding me of Colon

  • Colon yanked after four innings (6/9/07)
  • Colon complains of arm tightness (5/29/07)
  • Colon tests arm (5/10/07)
  • Angels' Colon iffy for next start (5/8/07)
  • Colon likely game-time decision (4/25/07)
  • Colon rock solid in debut (4/22/07)

So in conclusion, here is the top 3

"Wang not concerned about wrist"

"Agent works on Big Unit extension"

"Colon yanked after four innings"

Enable Comment Auto-Refresher
PeanMajor Leaguer
903 days ago
Score 5+-
while i was compiling this list "Agent works on Big Unit extension" had me laughing out loud...if you don't think thats funny...
Permalink | Reply
Davis21wylieMVP
903 days ago
Score 3+-
"Wang not concerned about wrist" is my favorite...
Permalink
PeanMajor Leaguer
903 days ago
Score 3+-
its so intentional!
Permalink
JuTMSY4Legend
902 days ago
Score 1+-
I'm Partial to "Pujols gets much needed rest " Honestly, who does Number 2 work for?
Permalink
Davis21wylieMVP
903 days ago
Score 4+-
Honorable mention: "Royals To Get A Taste Of Angels' Colon"
Permalink | Reply
Davis21wylieMVP
903 days ago
Score 0+-
Not a Sportsline headline per se, but still one of the best ever.
Permalink
PeanMajor Leaguer
903 days ago
Score 1+-
hahahaha, crap i can't believe i forgot Colon this series!
Permalink
ArnoldTPantsEsqVarsity
902 days ago
Score 1+-
not that his name usually would lend itself to funny updates, but this one could not be overlooked: "Glaus pops pair of dongs Sunday" - 6/11/07
Permalink | Reply
TylersaltAll-Star
902 days ago
Score 1+-
The "Pujols a terror at PNC Park headline makes me never want to go to the bathroom in Pittsburgh...
Permalink | Reply
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
902 days ago
Score -7+-
Did my comment really deserve a -49? I hate when people get so juvenile. When did ArmChairGM become a Bevis and Butthead episode?
Permalink | Reply
JuTMSY4Legend
902 days ago
Score 2+-
huh huh///huh huh
Permalink
RoblefkoLegend
902 days ago
Score 1+-
And we have a new nominee to challenge the all-time record...
Permalink
Davis21wylieMVP
902 days ago
Score 1+-
The quest for -50 begins...
Permalink
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
902 days ago
Score 0+-
Seriously. All you are doing is taking unfortunate names or nicknames and putting them in sentences. Put Wang, Big Unit or Colon in just about any sentence and it is going to sound funny. Here, I will make some up for you.

Colon gets hit hard on Tuesday Red Sox lineup gets Wang pulled

Big Unit can't straighten it out
Permalink
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
902 days ago
Score 0+-
Yeah! LONG LIVE Rusty Kuntz!!!
Permalink
PeanMajor Leaguer
902 days ago
Score 3+-
yup and those are funny too! maybe you should write for CBS
Permalink
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
902 days ago
Score 0+-
Its only fair that your articles get me so many negative votes. After all, I did grab your fiance's ass at AWrigh's wedding.
Permalink
Davis21wylieMVP
902 days ago
Score 1+-
Wow.
Permalink
PeanMajor Leaguer
902 days ago
Score 5+-
oh yeah well *insert George Costanza comeback here*
Permalink
MetsJetsDevilsDraft Pick
902 days ago
Score -1+-
The best part was when she turned around, looked at me and said, "wait, whats your name again?"
Permalink
Manny StilesMajor Leaguer
902 days ago
Score 0+-
there was shrinkage?
Permalink
StumptownJV Squad
889 days ago
Score 1+-
Great list. On a similar note, I believe Rocket Roger's "Fatigued Groin" injury (otherwise known as the "Wilt") is the funniest sports injury of all time. I can't see it ever being topped.
Permalink | Reply
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