Five Sports Articles That Should Never Be Written Again
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by Tyduffy
1. The Article that criticizes ESPN for airing the "Who's Now" segments on Sportscenter
The blogosphere started this, Peter King continued it, and now every single sports writer feels compelled to put in their own two cents about just how completely awful it is. They are right it's terrible. Mike Wilbon says that people don't like it because it isn't serious enough, which isn't true. People have universally despised these segments. No one outside of Bristol has come out to defend it. That said, why write another article about it? What can you add to the issue? We all hate it too. You are preaching to the choir. If you don't like it, don't watch it. Enough.
2. The Aritcle that attacks "The Sports Guy" Bill Simmons
Bill Simmons has his faults. He began as the outsider writing the fan's perspective, but has now become the ultimate insider as ESPN's most popular print personality. He has an unhealthy obsession with Las Vegas, the Real World, and the NBA. His once ground breaking work has devolved into "another Simmons column" (which has happened to virtually every great writer except Shakespeare). These are all fair criticisms, but they have been done to death. If you don't like Simmons' columns, don't read them. But don't pester the rest of us with columns about how much you don't like him.
3. The Article that criticizes MLS and Beckham, by someone who hates soccer and has never watched MLS
No one is forcing soccer down your throat. If you don't to watch it and don't care about Beckham, that is fine. Just leave it alone. If you are going to criticize MLS or Beckham, take the time to learn about soccer. Don't just pontificate about something you know nothing about. There are valid criticisms of Beckham as a player, but these should perhaps be gleamed by watching him rather than repeating ignorant statements heard on ESPN and reading his wikipedia column. There are legitimate criticisms of MLS, but if you have never watched a match and can't name one player besides Beckham are you the one to be writing about it? We get it, Joe American, you don't like soccer. Any time you write that column you will get numerous sycophants to respond saying "Yeah, soccer sucks!" What is the point? If you have something constructive to say, say it. If it is just another ill-researched xenophobic apoplectic rant about how soccer is bad, it's been done to death. Leave it alone.
4. Sportswriters complaining about everything under the sun.
There are few more whiny and disgruntled individuals than local sports section hacks. They ridicule "the pretty boys" earning TV money on ESPN and blame Bill Simmons for ruining their life. They gripe about having the press box moved from directly behind home-plate or courside because they are such sensitive geniuses that they need the best seats in the house to be able to cover a game effectively (Lord knows what would happen if they got their free food taken away). They lament how their noble and "essential" profession has been squashed by the advent of the internet.
Just because you have a column, does not mean you need to secrete your insecurities upon the unsuspecting public. You write for a local paper, you aren't David Halberstam or Bob Woodward winning pulitzers and changing the world with your work. Were it not for a union, you might not have your job to begin with. The fact that your career hasn't advanced probably has something to do with you being a fat slob and an uninspired writer, rather than those "uneducated" bloggers who probably went to a better college and watch more games than you. Stop bitching, buy a clean shirt, and write something decent.
5. The Bipolar Red Sox Article
Earth to Red Sox Nation! The Red Sox won a World Series three years ago! CHB's invented curse was lifted! They have the best record in baseball, the largest division lead, and the best pitching staff. The Yankees are not going to win 11/13 the rest of the season. If the Red Sox just keep winning and playing their game, they will be fine. They still have 60 games left to play. Stop regurgitating the same two articles about how they are alternatively the best thing since tivo or doomed after every series. Stop being the guy who burns effagies of Lugo the entire season and then buy's his jersey when he goes on a hot-streak. Chill out. Have a Sam Adams or a Dunkin Donut and relax.
