Fantasy B.J.'s Top 10 Lame-Ass Fantasy Team Names
| 16
|
by Bjrudell
Flashback to early September: It's a few days before opening weekend in the NFL. You've drafted your team. You've scouted your opponents' rosters for potential trades. And you've cleared your Sunday schedule for the next 17 weeks. One critical element remains: Picking a witty team name You know the feeling: 10 minutes after entering the name on your league Web site, you eagerly await the inevitable "Brilliant" and "You are brilliant" and "I can't believe you're so brilliant" e-mails from your opponents.
But they never come, do they? No, they never come. And why not? Because you're not funny.
Still, there's hope. If you can learn how to avoid the mis-steps that have damaged millions of reputations, you might be well on your way to a winning team name . . . and as a result, quite possibly, a winning team.
---
Fantasy B.J.'s Top 10 Lame-Ass Fantasy Team Names
10. The Winners
You love telling people how great you are. But when you're home alone in the dark, you sob yourself to sleep while clutching your tattered Teddy Ruxpin.
9. The Athletic Supporters
You are a genius at word play! A Shakespeare for the modern age! And a nimrod for borrowing a pun that's older than the Bible . . . and not nearly as funny. Now go read to your girlfriend from your Mad Magazine collection.
8. The Tom Brady Bunch
Okay, I think I get this. Wait, don't tell me. Okay, there's Tom Brady --I get that. He's a football player. And then there's . . . hold on . . . gimme another moment . . . to figure out . . . this riddle . . .
7. Big Balls
Not only do you have big balls, but now you've let the world in on your secret. Too bad you have only two to share. And too bad you're so transparently over-compensating for your latent sexual inferiority complex.
6. Hammer Time
Your team name each year since '91. You enjoy calling your opponent every Sunday, proclaiming, "U can't touch this" and "I'm 2 legit 2 quit," and then quickly hanging up and sighing contentedly while grabbing another extra-large handful of Cheetos. And you wonder why nobody has your number stored on their cell phone. . . .
5. The Icky Shuffle A throwback to pathetic touchdown celebrations. You're the lone Bengals fan in your league eager to remind the world of your team's "glory days." You practice the Shuffle at home before bed each night so that you can present it to your friends at the annual Christmas party. But sadly, your dance performance--like its name--looks more like a frantic walk of shame after losing control with the latest Maxim magazine.
4. The Mighty Morphin Flower Arrangers You've taken the name of an endearing children's television show and turned it on its ear. How brazenly naughty. How sinfully decadent. Congratulations on being crowned emperor of Tool-ville.
3. The Dynamic Duo You've decided to co-own a team with your best bud in the world. Two great friends, one super squad--joined at the hip, fantasy-style. It'll soon be apparent that you're too amazing for this league. And it's all too apparent that you're too cheap to pay for separate teams.
2. The John Elways (or any other sports hero you'll never meet) By naming your team after your favorite player, you're showing all the other punks in your league that you're playing to win. This alone should intimidate them into forfeiting each game. And if they don't, you can always go home and write yet another letter to Elway asking what women look like up close.
1. Norfolk-in-Chance As in, "No F*cking Chance." But you've taken it a step further, gleefully burying the dirty word in a series of clean words. You're so excited about your awesome name that you go home to brag to your girlfriend. But she's already moved out.
(Reposted from http://fantasybj.blogspot.com)
