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by user Fornelli
So the World Cup dreams of the United States were ended this morning after a 2-1 loss to Ghana.
Was anybody really surprised by this?
The US sucks at soccer, let's face it. I think it's time we cut ourselves loose of this sport. There's been a campaign here for years trying to get Americans into soccer. It hasn't worked yet, and it never will. The sport just isn't made to the American fans' sensibilities.
It's too slow, it's low scoring, and to us it's just plain boring.
So lets get rid of it all together. Ban it. There should be a federal law passed banning soccer in all its forms from being played within the United States. We already have baseball, football, basketball and an entire cadre of other sports to fill our time. We need to stop embarrassing ourselves on a global level every 4 years.
I'm sure that with enough motivation the Bush Administration can prove without a shadow of a doubt that playing soccer helps fund Al-Qaeda and other terrorist groups around the world.
Let's look at where we stand in the eyes of the world. Anyone who has watched an actual US game this World Cup has been made witness to the disdain of America from our European counterparts. Why continue to give them more fodder to sling insults at us?
We are basically the equivalent of the real nerdy kid that the cool kids invite to the big kegger on Friday night for no other reason than to make fun of him, and probably beat him up. Instead let's just stay home and play some Dungeons and Dragons with our friends.
Screw the cool kids.
It's not just soccer either. Major League Baseball started the World Baseball Classic this year, our national pasttime, and we couldn't even win that. Hell we didn't even get to the second round.
Over and over again we embarass ourselves on the global sport platform.
As Americans we're all so full of ourselves that we really don't need the rest of the world anyway. So let's just pretend they aren't even there.
Let's ditch the Olympics too. We already know we're better than the rest of the world, so why give them a chance to shatter our fragile egos?
We'll start our own Olympics. Call them the Microsoft (or whoever the hell wants to sponsor them) Olympics and have each of our 50 states, and even Puerto Rico if they're game, form their own teams in the same events that we have in the Olympics.
I mean do you get really pumped when you see Shaun White win the Snowboarding gold over some Norwegian? Who the hell cares about Norway? Half our population probably couldn't even tell you where Norway was.
How about beating a rival state? If you're from New York, wouldn't you want to revel in your recent victory over New Jersey in beach volleyball?
What's the point of being better than someone if they aren't around for you to constantly remind them of that fact? Next time I'm out and I run into somebody from Indiana, or Michigan, or Wisconsin, I want to be able to puff up my chest and elocute on how superior Illinois is in basketball. "Congratulations on your big win over Wyoming. That must have been tough. Excuse me while I go sleep with my trophy."
Am I the only one excited at the possibilities here?
Screw the cool kids party, let's throw our own. One with more kegs, and better looking girls with looser morals.
http://tomfornellisportsblog.blogspot.com
Date
Thu 06/22/06, 2:58 pm EST
