Enough with the fashion stickers

by Suckatsports

Football players are tough, manly guys. They hit each other for a living, try to beat the crap out of one another, and generally take and dole out physical punishment. So, why, for fuck's sake, are they doing the equivalent of bedazzling themselves in their uniforms.

I'm specifically talking about the under eye stickers that football (and baseball - but they're less manly by definition) players wear with all sorts of designs on them. They put the name or logo of their team, little messages, or even area codes where they can be reached. This is moronic.

The idea of the eye black is to reduce glare. That's it. It's not to make yourself pretty, or to let the girls know which hotel room you're staying in. And especially not for drawing little flowers for the other players to look at. It's stupid, and it's getting annoying.

[1] First thought is, what if these strips actually reduce glare, what harm does it do decorate them a little, it's just clean fun. Well, that would really be just okay, even though it's still dumb to decorate something when you're about to go hit people. But it doesn't work, it doesn't reduce glare at all - that's what real eye black is for. Chris Hovan knows this, now he's a real man, he's eye black coming out of everywhere. It's either that, or he cries the darkest black tears history has ever seen. This is not only effective in reducing glare, but in showing your opponent that you're completely insane, and probably, the devil. Think of this as a two pronged approach to beat your opponent.

Maybe the lack of manly black tears is the reason Reggie Bush is having so many issues doing anything this season. While on the other hand, Hovan and his Buccaneer teammates are leading their pathetic division. It matters not. If you're going to pretty yourself up, go walk down the runway at a drag queen concert, don't play football.

Eyeblack [Helium] Photo: Chris Hovan, Bush 619