Enough With the Daily Updates on Bonds and Man-Ram!
| 10
|
by user LastRow
Oh man, I can hardly contain myself from saturating my pants…It’s just, well, I can’t seem to help myself and for good reason too! Why? As if everybody doesn’t know…Perhaps nobody has heard, but Spring Training is finally in full swing. If that doesn’t get the mojo running, what does? It’s like Christmas in February. Yes indeed, I’m all jacked up, but I’ll have you know I’ve never, ever tested positive for HGH or any steroids for that matter! Although I should be honest here…I can give a rats ass about Major League Baseball or any baseball for that matter! Honestly, if I had to choose between watching a baseball game or a hockey game, it definitely would be an easy call…Hockey would win every time. See there Gary, your league might be on life support, but I won’t pull the plug. It’s just that trying to find a hockey game to watch, now that, that's the hard part!
So, then why is my blood bubbling over the start over Spring Training? No, I didn’t take a Viagra…This is the time of year that we find ourselves so fortunate enough to get daily updates on Barry Bonds & Manny Ramirez. Now this my friends is the national pastime! Oh wait, this just in…Barry Bonds just got out of the bathroom. He just took a monstrosity of a shit…Why it sent tremors back to the Bay Area with it almost measuring on the richter scale. Why does a certain network feel that we need the daily doses of the steroid BB? Is it healthy? Not really. Why is the media so in love with this lying cheater? Look, we know what Double B is all about…We all know he’s about to break Hank Aaron’s record. So when he does, that will be newsworthy material, I guess…Sorry to say nobody gives a shit about Barry tagging a homerun on his fifth swing of the spring. It’s sad that I know he in fact did that yesterday…Only reason Barry Bonds’ Media Gopher, (or is it puppet) Pedro Gomez reported that. Awesome job Pedro…Award winning journalism there. When I get out of the LastRow, I want to be just like him…With my head so far up Barry’s ass I can see the needle marks! What kind of gig would that be…You work for ESPN and you were assigned to live & die on every last freaking move Barry Bonds made….And every breath that he takes Hey Pedro, sorry to inform you of this Chico…None of us give a shit about your nightly cameo. It might be your job, but it’s a piss poor one! Ironically, it’s not just Barry that can’t stand the sight of you, neither can we! I’m sure you’re a swell dude and all, but enough’s, enough! Don’t you ever get sick of crawling up Barry’s ass? One would think, this cat has to want to gouge his eyes out?
Oh wait, LastRowSports.com just received a phone call stating Barry Bonds had just pulled into a Burger King drive thru and ordered four whoppers, three large fries and two diet cokes…We’re assuming that it’s all for him, but can’t confirm it. Pedro will be all over it tomorrow…Look for it in his daily summary of "This is How Barry Bonds’s Day Went." Perhaps he can also find out if any of the food was laced with HGH too? Although I’m sure the next time Barry tests positive for anything he’ll be blaming all the BK’s in the state of Arizona!
If nightly updates of that cat wasn’t enough, thus hearing them for the next seven and a half months…We get to hear them about Man-Ram as well! Lets the first chapter of the 2007 Manny Ramirez book be written, lets start off by saying he won’t report until March 1, word has it. Wow, I got five words of my own…SO, followed by, WHO CARES! Why is this news…Oh yeah, again the media feels the need to make it as such. Well, here’s some insight for all you media dumbasses out there…The only reason why it grabs headlines is because you jackasses report it and put it into headlines! Why is it when Joe Sixpack takes a week off from work, that doesn’t grab national attention? Or if Kenny Keg takes a shit at Denny’s at two in the morning you guys aren’t there to report if it smells like roses or not? Although I must say from previous experiences, if Kenny ordered the Sampler, well, there isn’t anyway it smelled like roses! Rather it likely smelled like these daily updates on these two guys.
Ever watch the movie Super Size Me, that’s how I feel with all these Double B & Man-Ram helpings…I’m sure I’m not the only one regurgitating on them! Too much is bad for the system…Not only that, the journalistic skills that are being showcased in the process, well, they seemingly appear to be the flimsy, miniature, cheese like substance that everybody finds on cheeseburgers at McDonalds along with a meat-like patty coming off the Dollar Menu! Please stop clogging our sports arteries with all of this!
Vote in LastRowSports.com Pick’em Poll this week which asks the tasty question "Reality Turn Fantasy?" To find out you're choices you have to go to the home page and find out…You’ll be glad you did! Let’s just say it has something to do with Stacy Keibler and Cindy Margolis. Voting in this poll is a whole heck of a lot easier than trying to get your foot out of your mouth…AKA Tim Hardaway! NOTE: This isn’t a scientific poll, but DAMN IT, GET OUT & VOTE!
