Eli vs. Rex: The Battle of Ineptitude

Screw the Packers and Cowboys, everyone is just too embarrassed to admit that all they can think about this week is the Giants/Bears showdown, headlined by two quarterbacks absolutely jazzed to be in the spotlight, Peyton's brother and Sweetchuck's nephew.

Here's all you need to know about Sunday's barf 'n gag QB match-up at Solder Field.

Accuracy Edge: The 40-year-old playing catch with his son in the South Lot

Toughness Edge: Anyone sitting through this assman rodeo in the freezing temps

Mental Toughness Edge: Spalding Smails

Body Language Edge: Scott Norwood

Leadership Edge: Jeff George

Poise Edge: Squirrel in the middle of a 5-lane highway during rush hour

Footwork Edge: This monkey

Fan Support Edge: Hitler

Hair Edge: Lloyd Christmas

Fumbling skills Edge: Rexie, he has Eli beat by 1

Public Enemy Edge: Jeff Feagles for not punting to Hester