Early Bird Still Gets Bart Starr’s Worm 46 Years Later
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by user LastRow
Oh, what it’s like to grow old? Waking up at 5:30 in the morning for no apparent reason. Venturing out on the roads when all one can see is the freaking steering wheel in front of them on their way to the early bird special that begins at promptly 4 p.m.. Having that same early bird special blended all up for you in a delicious shake format because you are no longer able to chew…You have a hard enough time of grasping the concept of slurping your meals through straws. To be home by 6 so you can be in bed by 7…Now doesn’t that sound like a great life! To do it all over again the next day and the day after that….Awesome! Can’t wait!
For excitement in these years one can look forward to a life filled with playing Bingo, Shuffleboarding and a delightful experience at the solitaire tables…Can’t wait for this life to begin! To think, I thought sitting in the LastRow was living on the edge! All this can be ours later on in life if we do so choose to accept it. However, I have a better idea! I kind of like the life that 81-year old Ruby Y. Young is living. No early bird specials for her…No invigorating matchups down at the bingo hall for her, hell no! She’s way beyond that! Instead, why not try to extort $2 million from Hall of Fame quarterback Bart Starr! Now doesn’t every geriatric need to do this? Isn’t this so much better than shuffleboad?
The lovely Ruby mailed a letter to Starr alleging a romantic encounter with him in 1960. In it she writes… "The time has come for you to pay - to pay for the many injuries you caused me. ... No I am not a push-over Mr. Starr - and no, I do not need the money - but I intend to see that you pay for your wrong doings (sic) to me" said in an initial letter.Okay, I better keep this in the back of my head for future years…I could use this same line on the countless numbers of one nighters I’ve had with strippers. Though, I’ll hold off on saying anything for at least a minimum 30 of years. First, Ben Johnson and now Ruby, both in the same week…I can’t even think about what’s to come next week? Can’t we even top the headline: “Young was released on bond after a short hearing Tuesday in federal court”? Can’t wait to see her mug shot on “America’s Most Wanted” this weekend side by side with John Walsh!
Injuries, what injuries? The fact that you most likely walk with a walker is his fault? The fact that now you are able to have the ability to take your teeth out of your head is his fault. The fact that you are blind as a bat & can’t drive, (or should I say shouldn’t be driving…God, I hope you aren’t) is his fault. The fact that you’ve gone from being a bombshell usually catching the eyes of football players, to now being an old bag sporting depends who uses the local bingo hall as her strip club to feed on old men, is his fault? What, are those the injuries you are referring to? Well, then I guess there’s only one thing to say…Damn you, Bart! Although Ruby, it’s not like he sabotaged your beer or anything…That’s only done by Carl Lewis! And that certainly goes against “The Man Law”!
Since when did flings on the slide (better known as one night stands or affairs…However you want to label it as) become a criminal offense with a $2 million suit? Oh shit, to all the guys out there…Looks like all our gooses are cooked thanks to little ole Ruby. What happened to “No Strings Attached” or “Friends With Benefits”? What, those didn’t apply 44 years ago? See now, let this be a lesson to all of us young bucks out there…All our actions will have some kind of consequences at some point in our lives! I’m just not sure anything quite like this can compare to anything, anybody does! Although, we thought Ben Johnson was reaching for straws too, or the University of Miami pondering the notion of Bernie Kosar as their next head coach, or Tom Izzo taking over the football operations at Michigan State. Yeah, those are ludicrous to fathom, but this acquisition by Ruby is down right preposterous! Although one thing we do know is and will continue to be…The Early Bird Gets the Worm (no pun intended)! Just too bad old Bart can’t remember it! Thanks Ruby for entertaining us!
Vote in LastRowSports.com Pick’em Poll….This week we showcase the various “Simpson’s” and wonder which one is better? Jessica, Ashlee, or Marge? Tough call, we know…So help us out and cast your vote early and often to help clarify the dilemma! PICTURES INCLUDED!
