Eagles Sign Edward Scissorhands to Return Punts
| 10
|
by Jocktrotter
from www.phillyjock.com
One day after hearing Greg Lewis claim he could “return punts with his hands behind his back”—and then watching him literally attempt to do so—the Eagles have announced the signing of journeyman Edward Scissorhands for next week’s game against the Redskins.
Scissorhands, who has been out of football for an unspecified amount of time, will join the team at the NovaCare complex this week. It is believed that, despite having two, razor-sharp twenty inch blades for hands, he will be at least a slight upgrade from the current roster.
“I kind of muffed that one,” said head coach Andy Reid, in reference to the special teams. “It’s been a bit of a nightmare this year. We tried Bloom back there in the preseason, but that was a disaster. So then we thought—what the hell—we’ll throw G-Lew back there, how bad can he be, right? But he looked like a rookie fireman trying to catch babies falling from a burning building out there. It was gruesome. Finally, we went with Reed, who did a nice job in blowing the game for us. So we felt we needed to make a change.”
Reid said that he considered signing Brett Favre for the job after listing to a replay of the television broadcast and learning that Favre could do anything he wanted, whenever he wanted, and was also a God among men, but the Packers QB was unavailable.
Like this? read more at www.phillyjock.com. Also featuring alluring pictures of Maria Sharapova and Scarlett Johannson this week.
Balls to you.
